I

<small>[ March 21, 2003, 06:44 PM: Message edited by: broken heart and arm ]</small>

W&W,

Please read "HOW A SHOULD END" and also if you could afford it you should call MB and get conseling. The road to recovery is very narrow. I am a MB true beliver ... if both willing, give two strangers 6 months to give 4 gifts of love to each other I beleive they will fall in love to each other by the end of 6 months. Please invite your H to read SAA/HNHN and even intite H to read up on MB concept in this site. The key in here is willing. You should be neither in plan A nor plan B ... it should be open up as one time journey !.

If H is not willing to abide by MB principal then post again ... you either have to do tough love or plan B.

-RH-

<small>[ October 13, 2002, 04:39 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

M

<small>[ March 21, 2003, 06:43 PM: Message edited by: broken heart and arm ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by weary and wary:
<strong>.... My H has agreed to attend the MB weekend in January. Maybe I should just keep things calm until then?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is your choice to be in plan A but it will be hard for you. I would not do it specially if you did a good plan A for a while and WH still rejects it. WH might buying time ... why ? when WS is anti M most likely they are on the fence or ckae eating. Contact or even A might still going.
-RH-

I

<small>[ March 21, 2003, 06:48 PM: Message edited by: broken heart and arm ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by weary and wary:
<strong>I told the MC some of the things my H has said to me since he moved out in early September. Many of them are paraphrases, but this is an exact quote: I had a shi...y marriage and a crazy wife. I had no choice but to have an A." The MC is going to talk to my WH alone. My H now denies having said that.

We discussed that I just feel too vulnerable to be sexual. I am repulsed. Sure, sex is pleasurable but it is also meaningless. How the heck do you get out of this? I feel like I am in quicksand. No matter what I do, I am faced with the fact of my H's A.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Never take those word from the fog personnaly. It is not about you but WH tried to make himself look good ( a defense mechanism).

About sex ... excuse me for being a bit sexist. For male it is harder to do have sex since the little one have its own mind ... for female you just need to shut off your mind (repulsive). The goal in here is not to have pleasure but to fullfill WH's EN for now. But if you can't do it no one will blame you nor the whole plan A is depending on it.

-RH-

I

<small>[ March 21, 2003, 06:43 PM: Message edited by: broken heart and arm ]</small>

You don't give trust; WH has to earn it. Hopefully you develop senses of knowing when your WH is cold and distance. When those two are use, then 99% A is still going. Even NC is truely in place, WH could have EA w/ his own fantasy. Look at his actions extra carefully, is this a normal "good" behavior before D-day and if it is not getting better I would worry.

Let WH knows your worries and let WH knows your doubt ... let WH works on it. LET HIM KNOW TOO THAT IF M IS NOT GETTING BETTER THERE ARE CHANCES BOTH OR EITHER ONE OF YOU WILL BE COME WS. Again read "How A should ends". w/o those guideline your road to recovery is very bumpy.

-RH-

W&W,

I know where you are coming from. First thing don't take anything he says to heart. He was trying to hurt you in May. They are so much in a fog they would make San Fran the clearest place in the world on a foggy day. Also, it takes two to make a marriage. His is marriage was so sh..y then maybe it was his fault, not yours. Don't let him get your self-esteem down. You were the one faithful to your marriage. If you feel your self-esteem is going downhill, find a good book to read. I used the Good Girls Guide to Bad Girls Sex. After 14 years of marriage, it told me things I didn't know. I know I was an innocent. Not any more. With the counseling, it is sort of a toss-up. My h is going through counseling with me right now. At first, I knew it was because I wanted him to. Our counselor has brought up a number of problems with our marriage that we didn't even know was bothering us. I am more outspoken now. I am woman hear me roar..... Prayer also got me through and continues to get me through. I ask for peace, patience, kindness, and strength everyday. I also have told the Lord that his will needs to be done. I left the matter of the A in his hands. My h will tell you to this day during his A he was very unsettled and nervous and in turmoil. I know it was God working his mysterious way. I hope things start to look up. Protect yourself and your heart. Don't do anything you don't want to do. If sex is bothering you, then don't do it. If he loves you and cares for you, he will wait.