My situation is as follows:

Divorce brought up by W a few years ago. Never really went through with it.

Both have been trying to make M better by ourselves (without MC) for a while.

W meets OM this March, tells me he's the "love of her life" in April. Says I love you as a brother but I am not in love with you. NOW she wants divorce for real.

We both moved to TX in June, she says she's ready to work on M and that she has cut contact with OM.

August, I found out she broke the NC in late June.

I return to the midwest, she stays in TX. The OM is in the midwest as well; they haven't seen each other since May. A seems to be strictly emotional.

Sept she files for child custody and child support. Serves me with this lawsuit after I've been sending her checks for my son and asking her to work out the logistics of the support. Insists she wants 20% of my salary and is not willing to negotiate. This is all before I am served.

In early Oct briefly mentions reconciliation (but tells me not to get my hopes up) about three times, but changes her mind a week later and says she's following through with the divorce. Wants it smooth and easy and as fast as possible.

Insists this is not about the OM, but about her independence and self-identity. Says our son will be better off if we divorce. She is upset that when she went to a C and they asked her about the insurance that it is her husband's insurance and not hers. Ungrateful?

Can you tell me where is the best topic to post my story to get good advice? I want to give more details. Thanks.

Hi and welcome to MB,

Please read the concepts section above, find the books surviving an affair, his needs/her needs both are by Dr Harley and another book called : "love must be tough" by Dr James Dobson

Then come back and post your thread to GQII (General Questions II). There is more traffic there.

L.

Thanks for your reply.

I have read the concepts in this web site and have been reading books about affairs. Most of them are about surviving the A when the couple decides to reconcile. Very few deal with what happens when the spouse is still in the middle of it. And those that do, their section is very small. I am trying to combine a little of Plan A and Plan B. I don't know how successful mixing them is.

I am in the middle of reading Love Must Be Tough the second time. I like his approach and may end up using it by itself. I'm curious as to how to combine Plan A/B with the love must be tough concept.