I want to confront OM's wife with information about the ongoing A, and then move myself into Plan B. But after thinking it through I don't think that I can do that without serious repurcussions.

I filed for D to stop my WW from leaving the state with our children which she had "threatened" several times before. She knew that it would make me back off due to the fact that she left the state twice before like this and it upset me quite a bit then. If I go ahead with letting OM's wife know of their ongoing A and then go to plan B, it may be enough to pi** her off enough to take everything away from me that she had agreed to in D petition. We had agreed to rotating custody and no child support. If she wanted she could get primary custody and me have to pay child support. This is what my attorney has already told me. In the past I wouldn't have believed my wife to be capable of ever being as heartless and cruel as she has become but she has done some things in this A that makes me not trust her at all.

At this point I think that I will have to go ahead and pretend that I'm still the fool, get the D under current agreements while she is eating her cake and then let OM's wife know and then cut off all contact with my W.

I know this doesn't achieve my original goal of reconciliation. However at this point I'm pretty sick of her. I followed OM to our house last night and could hear his voice in our bedroom. She has brought him right into our bed as though I never existed. Fine. When she wakes up, she can live with the results of her decisions.

Sorry if this sounds vengeful, but right now that's where I think I am. I think that I should have gone into Plan B much sooner. Probably before I filed for D.

Anybody feeling like they are having a hard time dealing with plan A for too long, I would suggest reading the response from Ceri to the post that I have on the Plan A Plan B board.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=30;t=001481

I feel like sometimes there are well intentioned folks here that give advice to stay in Plan A for too long when it comes to dealing with an A. I am not bitter for their attempts, I would just verify these plans with either Steve or Jennifer Harley in counseling and / or listen to Willard Harley's talk shows on his wife's radio show each Mon and Thur. You can listen on the web by following the link found on the main MB page. Top of the page that says "Marriage Talk Radio". Or the "radio" link on the top of this page. I listened for the first time the other day and it really opened up my eyes to some things.

Thanks and God Bless

Biscayne -- Here is the number to call into the radio program if you want to talk to Joyce and Willard Harley directly. 1-888-332-5169.

I can tell you are struggling. It shows that you are human and have needs too. Staying in plan A with an ongoing A is incredibly difficult.

I think your plan is a good one, except that I get the feeling that cutting off ties with her is the painful part for you. Why can't you lie low while you get your agreement finalized, then let the OM's wife know. However, you could *not* cut off ties with your W immediately, but ride the wave.

In the mean time it is probably wise not to snoop, not only to protect yourself, but also to make it easier to stay on course on a plan that is in the best interest of both yourself and your children.

<small>[ October 22, 2002, 01:37 AM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>