Well, it doesn't seem like my H and I are getting anwhere the route we are taking. And as they say -- the definition of insanity is doing the same the over and expecting different results.

I kicked him out once before when I found out about the A but that lasted two weeks. He was begging me back, saying how wrong he was, he's sorry, etc. etc. and to just give him one chance. Well, I let him back in because he sounded so sincere and regretting. that didn't last long -- shortly after he was back up to no good. and this now had been going on since about aug. or sept. so, i found out in feb 2002 and still happening in aug/sept 2002. I think they quit now, since i now make a BIG deal of it at his work when i go to see my H and they just "happen" to be working together. I blow up big time, making a huge scene etc. I'd like to say I care, but these were blow ups that were long over due.

anyway my h seems to make no effort in getting our marraige on track. all he is concerned with is money. has spent a lot over the last 6 months and we are in debt. i'm a stay-at-home mom with no income coming in and he dictates how the money should be spent. we'll problem is he doesn't take into consideration regular monthly bills (heat elec etc.) then crabs at me about spending too much money. i used to be good about money, but i figure since he isn't saving any why should i 'sacrifice' and not spend when he spends up the wazoo. so i've been spending a little here and there. granted it hasn't been over 500 compared to his 30,000, but he always blames me.

that is another reason why he won't go to counseling other than he says its not going to help is the fact its a waste of money -- basically our marriage is a waste of money and his other 'toys' tractor, trailer, new truck, tractor attachments, (need i go on!). he did tell me once well, at least then you have something to show for it!!!!

Well I am planning to Plan B and kick him out of the house on Nov. 1st. I found a job, and i feel we are nowhere near improving our marraige with his attitude. he keeps asking me what have you done? well, i feel like i've tried but he is the type that sees his way or none. so its not even worth it.

i am just so afraid the day he has to leave. he is so vindictive. i think once i'm out and away from him i won't want to go back. i'm afraid he'll take sentimental stuff when he leaves that was mine. (since he did this the previous time). I don't know sometimes which is better, to stay or go, yet if i stay nothing will change. I also don't like the thought that when him and his first wife split up he made it sound like all her fault and he was the angel. so that is what i thought -- being naive to this whole marraige/divorce thing since this is my first marraige. anyway, it made his parents hate his x wife yet they still should/have to deal with her because he has one son by her. well, the light has shone (sp?) on me -- i realize she was probably going through the same stuff that i am going through right now and it wasn't all her.

well, my delima is i really don't want them to think it was me. -- i mentioned to his father that my H was made at me cuz i didn't approve of him taking a $5,000 loan out to buy stock. Now, any of you financial gurus out there -- is that a smart idea. I say no! I tell my H, he's says lots of people do it, they even mortgage their house to buy stocks! Yea, those that want to live in a homeless shelter!!!!

Ugh. Where do I even attempt to go from here??????

Frustrated!!!!!

Faith -
I know the frustration that comes with an unwilling WH...sometimes they feel as if they don't have to do anything except say "I'm sorry" and that should take care of everything! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Doesn't work!

I can tell you from my experience that my WH has been fine with the words re: remorse and "sorry", "I love you", etc...sometimes he's been very emotional, lately he's just been annoyed. I tried Plan A for a bit but actions speak louder than words and there hasn't been much action to save our marriage on his end so right now I'm staying with a friend and next week I'm going to see my family out of state for a week to get better and focus.

Do you have kids? Its easier to leave for a while when you don't. I know most people would think that the WS has to be the one to leave the homestead but we tried that too. In my case, it was stressful for me just to be home, whether he was there or not, and I've created a post on whether or not staying away is a good decision for our marriage because I'm not sure myself...

I can tell you though, that I have felt better being away, am starting to eat now and my stomach isn't in knots as much now that I've taken a few days for myself so it may help you too, at least for the time being. Too early for me to tell if that's a good sign for just my health or a sign that I'm better off w/out him? I'm hoping this will help me focus and perhaps you'll find that it may help you too? Good Luck and God Bless!

Thanks for the info. It didn't seem like my husband is very willing to try. I have pleaded with him for counseling and he was totally against it. On Nov. 12th our scheduling hearing took place in front of the judge. I kicked him out two days prior. The next day he sent me a dozen red roses, has bought me a new cd. Is begging me back in, always telling me how much he loves me, etc. etc. etc. and the shocker -- scheduled and KEPT his counseling appointment today. Tomorrow we have a counseling appointment tomorrow together. I am so confused as to whether I even want this marriage to work. I truly feel I would be better off without him. It would be a lot easier though without kids (we have 2) I suppose we'll see what our counselor says tomorrow night.

The hard part is he just never seems to be telling the truth about anything. Even though I don't believe he is still having an affair, I have set some ground rules and feel I can't back down on them now. I just never know if he will change if I cancel the divorce. At least that is what he did last time -- went right back to the same old stuff. I just can't take that all over again. It killed me. I probably should be posting on the 'divorcing' sight by now since its heading that way.

His cronic (spelling) lying worries me to no end. And still, after a year in this mess, I have no trust for him, we haven't seemed to get anywhere, and I am so bitter and angry at him I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to try, but the rest is very afraid to stay with someone that is and technically always has been untrustworthy (never really told me the truth, always exagerates, etc.). I just don't feel you have a relationship without trust and he hasn't really been doing much to help build our relationship and trust back up.