RH,

Have lurked and listened to your advice to others. It is always good advice Thanks for the help. I intend to keep it to myself. I feel like i need to protect myself. He doesn't need to know everything at this point, i know that doesn't fit with radical honesty. But, he is still in the A even if it is only E.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by notgoingtodothis:
<strong>RH,

Have lurked and listened to your advice to others. It is always good advice Thanks for the help. I intend to keep it to myself. I feel like i need to protect myself. He doesn't need to know everything at this point, i know that doesn't fit with radical honesty. But, he is still in the A even if it is only E.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Listen. A lot of BS mistaken that we have to do RH and so on ... while A is still going on. Nowhere in MB told us to do that !!!!!. RH is part of 4 rules of recovery or better known as 4 gifts of love ... you gift it to SO and not to WS !. WS have to earn it by turning around and willing to work on M, including ending A properly.

In plan A ... we have to do no LB (required)and filling ENs (if WS allows us to do that) ... there is nowhere RH is any part of this !!!!. Now if RH is part of your plan A (usually WS issues trying plan A'ng BS) then yes, you have to do that !!! beside there is no need of snooping. Even if one of WS's EN is RH, you have the right to snoop and keep it to yourself. In this rare case, you never promise not to snoop, you talk back to the fog !. LB'ed or no LB'ed you have to protect yourself. By having A, WS commit the greatest LB on earth that will wipe out most of BS's LB$.

Hope this help you -RH-

Thanks RH
I think he wants me to be radically honest because he isn't. I didn't find out anything, doesn't mean it didn't happen. Will try again at another time. I intend to keep it to myself. I have done all i can to fill every EN, and by his account i have, but when i ask him what EN she is filling, i get "i don't know or none" we are really just friends now. HELP, i want him to end all contact. I think i will plan a special night this next week and ask him to fill out the EN Q. He probably would. But then again, who knows.
Thanks again

You have to snoop, no question about it. Check detail phone#, cell#, any wierd call in the middle of the night .... put Caller-Id and put call id rejection on your phone. When you do plan A and have no impact ... then 1. your need to review your plan A make sure you cover all ground and giving time (average is a few months depend on your situation) -PTC, patience,time&consictence 2. there is continues contact and A is still at high noon. 3. You have a cake eater WS on your hand. Access your situation and act upon it.

Good luck -rh-

RH,

Ddo you think i should talk to my WH about MB. up until now i have had this as my one safe place to be. I want to talk to him about the four rules of marriage, and the nc letter. At one point he said to me that he knew we couldn't work on our marriage while she was still in the picture at all and i want to discuss that with him again. without LB and calmly, i wanted to talk about the EN questionaire and the whole thing. I honestly think that he thinks he can have it both ways and doesn't understand why this is killing me. They just talk ( i haven't been able to find anything else. Took me and our kids to lunch yesterday. Left me a really great message on my cell phone, really trying, but i know contact is continuing. I say on GQII a thread from 2 long about ignoring it as not a threat to our marriage. i want to be like that but i feel threatened by the littlest contact. What do you think.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by notgoingtodothis:
<strong>RH,
Ddo you think i should talk to my WH about MB. up until now i have had this as my one safe place to be.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not now. You still need a safe place to be and I do not think that he is willing to listen anyway.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I honestly think that he thinks he can have it both ways and doesn't understand why this is killing me.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">All WS thinks that. You could brought it up to his attention w/o LB when the time is right.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I say on GQII a thread from 2 long about ignoring it as not a threat to our marriage. i want to be like that but i feel threatened by the littlest contact. What do you think.[/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Any third party is a threat to M. However you have to compete with OW wanna be !. You can't too hung up on his contact ... bite your tounge and check your plan A !.

-rh-

Well RH,

Your help is definitly appreciated. I did get to discuss R w/h this weekend. Didn't tell him about MB, but sat night he stayed out with one of his buddies drinking, playing pool. i checked up on him several times, expecially when i knew the stripper (OW) got off work. I made sure to follow her so that i would know if they met. when he came home on sun. morning early like 4 in the morning. i did nothing. i just pretended like i was asleep and he went to bed. I got up and went to church and he called me. Said, why are you going to church. (where i went)I laughed and said, just needed to talk to God, feeling a little blue. He got off the phone really quick. WHen I got home he said. I really missed you when i woke up, i like talking to you in the morning. he proceeded to follow me around the house talking. Even broght up our R. Said he wished OW would move away his exact words. I said. Why so you wont be tempted to see her. He said no ( I think he still sees her some, maybe more her doing than his). I asked, do you think maybe you could just tell her to leave you alone and then not answer her phone calls. He said i wish it was that simple. She is crazy. ( See, i have always known there were issues with her which is why i couldn't believe it when he picked her. He actually said to me in the beginning, she needs me and you don't. blah blah, the truth is she is a crazy woman, with issues big issues and she made him feel like her knight in shining armor). I made his favorite food, just exactly what he asked for, No lb all day. Cleaned the house, did the laundry, played with kids. Some times i think that plan A is life management. I guess i will hang in there a while longer. I am thinking more about divorce lately. I have checked my options. I also got to demonstrate my information in a non lb way. His friend the one with problems just kicked his wife and son out. He was talking and i pointed out to him the law where we live about divorce, maitanace and custody and alamony. He asked me where the best divorce lawyer was, i laughed and told him. He said don't tell my wife. He said they would probably use the same attorney. I told him I would never do that, because that wouldn't be in my best intrest, and i didn't think she would either because she was smarter than that. All in all an up day for me. Thanks again for the advice, i may not always do it, but it is certainly good to have it to refer to.

notgoingtodothis,

Take what you need and leave the rest behind, you know what work on your M. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I detect a plan A potential from your thread:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> ... He actually said to me in the beginning, she needs me and you don't. blah blah, the truth is she is a crazy woman, with issues big issues and she made him feel like her knight in shining armor ...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Make him your shining armor <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ... I bet his top ENs include Admirations. What to do ?, easy !. even you know how to do a certain thing, specially the one that he is good at it, ask his help and then blow hot air onto his head <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . OW is not crazy, she is smart !. WH lets his craving for EN shadow his judgement. Better yet, if you could train WH to fillin your ENs and then blow a full tank of helium to his ego ... try it and post the detail.

My WW told a bunch of lies such as afraid of me and I am intenting to put her on jail ... the fact is I don't even speak to my WW for over months & I don't snoop for almost 6 months ... to make OM spending the night at her place to "guard" her.

-rh-

RH,
your right, sometimes i can't believe how simple the right thing is and i miss it. Im really going to work on that need for a couple of weeks. We will see how it goes. Thanks s