I am told that Plan A is a strategy to seperate the wayward spouse from the lover, and that part of that strategy, indeed the better part of it, is focusing on yourself and making yourself a better spouse/person. Going on this direction, you want to not only seperate the WS from the OP, you want it to stay that way. You want to keep yourself this new, better person so your S always feels safe with you, right? And since people change over time, all the time, wouldn't it stand to reason that we should continue to change, to continue to keep ourselves the person that our spouses wish to be with? Basically, does Plan A ever really end? Granted you don't want to remain a doormat, or compromise your ideals or ethics in doing so, but shouldn't we want to continually try to make ourselves better every day not only for our spouses but for ourselves as well?

Just a thought. Any feedback would be welcome, I am interested to see what the everyone else thinks about this. Especially the GWO's (Great Wise One's) of MB.

I am not GWO of anything ... LOL !!!. Good question on plan A ... you have to plan A for life ! ... i.e whatever that you do (actions lists) to separate the WS from the OP, you have to keep it. BS choose to be a doormat while working on plan A. It doesn't mean you have to be a doormat forever, you will not feel to be a doormat if your WS starts fillin your ENs and responding to your plan A by plan A'ng back to you !!!. If you read plan A by distress & by Zorweb you will see that you are absoultely not to pretend to be someone that you are not comfortable/willing to be.

Bottom line is yes you are competing w/ OP but beware that MB is not all about saving M at all cost ... but giving a chance to rebuilding M after A w/ fullfilin M.

hope my ramble make sense, it is worth 2¢ compare to SH's. -rh-

^^
just a bump to get everyone else's take on this one.

I agree with redhat that it is Plan A for life when there is reconcilliation when A dies and WS returns to work on M.

However, there is also Plan B. Plan B is a very risky, last resort to fix a fatal flaw in marriage. So, when BS cannot take the pain of Plan A any longer and is going to LB and ruin all the hard work of Plan A, BS should go to Plan B to save any remaining love just in case A dies and WS wants to work on M. Then Plan A again (for life.)

Plan A is really the "one-sided" version of the whole MB plan...you work on eliminating your LBs & improving your on marital behavior, and meeting the needs of the WS while expecting little in return.

What changes in recovery is that the one-sided Plan A, becomes the "two-sided" full MB plan...you BOTH work on eliminating LBs & meeting ENs, communicating feedback on the process. When the affair ends, if there is NOT a two-sided MB plan in place, the marriage remains off-track, because there often is no real follow-thru to keep problems from recurring.

Kathi