I'm back.

I just had second DDay on Saturday... I think I just went to Plan B... but I'm not sure.

My H is on a business trip, and won't be back until late Thursday nite, and I'm leaving first thing Friday and won't be back until Monday evening. We will be apart for 1 week. During this time I requested we have no contact by phone. I do not want to talk to him. I did tell him that he could either email me or write letters to me. I know that it is hard for him to be honest with me because I keep cutting him off and throwing his words back in his face. I've been LBing bigtime. I told him that I was sorry that it was hard for me to hear the truth, but assured him the truth hurt less than the lies. I told him to spend this week deciding if he really loves me and wants to be with me. Because if he doesn't now's the time to go. He swears he does... but I guess we'll see. I'm terrified while he's gone, he won't miss me at all and will decide that he really doesn't love me or want me. I mean how could he?? If he loved me .. he wouldn't have cheated right?? I told him I was going take this time to reflect on myself and decide if I wanted to stay in this marriage. I've never been so scared in my life. Am I doing the right thing?? Please help me. I am so confused. I know I'm not making any sense. I'm sorry.
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Baby,

I don't know your whole story....so the advice I have to give is general, and should apply it as it fits your situation. I am assuming you have been in a Plan A? For how long?

Plan B is really NOT something you can "think" you have moved to. It is a conscience, planned, transition from a good Plan A into a state that will protect the little amount of love you have next. It is not to be entered into under a state of distress. It sounds to me like you are not in Plan B for several reasons. First, you quite obviously still have a great deal of love for your H....inspite of his callousness and this new DDay....you still love him. Plan A should be for a SET amount of time....then you make a CHOICE to move to Plan B....it isn't a reaction to pain, but a plan. Second, It involves NO CONTACT except through a mediator....and this is very important....otherwise the WS does not really have to learn to cope without you....and the process does NOT work as well as it could.

Okay, now having said that....I want to tell you how sorry I am that you are hurting so badly. I don't know what you have already accomplised or what you want to do, but I think it is vitally important to truly and completely understand these two plans if they are going to be effective. I don't think ANYONE should move to Plan B without a good coach....preferably one of the Harleys, but there are several people on board who would take that role under certain circumstances as well.

I usually spend my time on the EN board....but because I have restarted my Plan A....I have been coming here a little bit. I am worried about how these plans are being executed.

Plan A should have a beginning....and an END. Nothing less than 3 months....and somewhere in the neighborhood of 6 is pretty ordinary. An END because it is too easy for the BS to turn into a doormat and lose their love for their partner. Of the two plans....Plan A has the BEST chance of ending an affair and restoring romantic love, so don't end it in prematurely. If it doesn't work (and it must executed extremely well) THEN and only then....do you move to Plan B. Plan B does not have nearly as good of a success rate. It is a last ditch effort to preserve love and open the fog-filled mind of a WS. So make sure this is what you want to do.

hugs!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />