Oh, Gosh....well, just as sure as I feel like i can go on with this smoke blowing and being nice (doormat) sure enough....hubby comes home late again last night - no clues that I could find but he says he was at a bar (funny didn't smell like smoke) having a beer. He is the only person I know who can go to a bar and never smell like beer or smoke....hmmmmmm. He is so Damn good.....he is loving, buys me things, comforts me, loves sex, calls me, etc.....but what the H is he doing? I think I'm gonna call a PI today. I'm not sure if I followed him that I wouldn't confront. I don't know if I have that much control.
Some questions for you....can you set boundaries in plan A? Can you sleep with H during plan A? Am I supposed to be playing "hard to get"? Acting as if all is okay (as suggested by the divorcebusting website). do I call him periodically just to say 'hi"? If so, am I sending the "needy" message? Not sure what I'm doing. My emotions are all mixed up and not sure how long I can stand this. He was VERY cool last night and just said...I'm where I said I was and that's it. God.....please send me an angel.

angelia,

Plan A is about you and the one who set the boundry is your H. Yes, you should try to fillin his ENs as long as he lets you and you are willing to do it. Do it yourself MB is not for everyone, I sugest that you should make appointment with either Jennifer or Steve Harley.

I just curious about your plan A. What is your list and what action you are doing to take care it ?. Don't get me wrong, there might not be anything that you have to work on, some WH are dogs on the loose. No matter how good your H tries to hide his A (if he has one), he will make mistake. Just be patience.

Read on Venusian Lady Story, CarolKH.

-rh-

hi: I realize the plan
A is about me and to be honest, I like myself. I am fairly fit, work out, I like my morals, I like the things I do, I have a great job and am not sure I need to work more on me other than enabling my H to do the stuff he does. I believe your very first response to me was right on target. i believe that I enable him to lie, cheat, etc. I do not know for sure that he's having A but for sure something's up. I wonder if your response to Zany in the other posting was more for me too. H lies about everything....everything...everything. Way before I learned about MB I knew that I needed to be nice, give him acolades, praise him, etc. I do adore him - just more recently (after 9 years of putting up with this and changing myself a lot) - I just feel that I am in a toxic situation. I wonder if lying is a disease? I wonder if that counts as a tough love situation? How do you make an appointment with the Harley's? You may be right...he may just be a dog and I'll never be doing anything more than letting him have his cake and eating too! Look forward to your response.

angelia,

I response to individual (zany), it might not fit your situation. For conseling w/ MB here is the link. Meanwhile if you feel that you did all you can in plan A, then you have to start looking for plan B. However you need a professional like Harley's to evaluate you and to guide you since plan B is one way street. You have to accept that if H doesn't turn around then Dv is the unavoidable. Of course if H wants to work on M you have to go back to plan A.

About the divorce busting (they use 180 degrees), you could try it. It usually work for WH that has a lot of good M memories. Pick one common response to his behavior and change it, see his reaction. If it works than you know you could use 180 degrees. With cake eaters you have to let them see their consequences, until then they would not change. Why change if they always get their way.

Good luck. -rh-