Asked WH to move out yesterday. He was issued a No contact order until Jun03 for the OW at work (EA/PA)and went into such a deep depression/grief. I couldn't take hearing him talk about her and seeing him in such pain. It was destroying my sanity. I have tried Plan A and will continue to do so as much a I can without to much contact. He only moved back in because of work I believe. WH is coming to see kids then leave after they are asleep. My son knows something is up, but we are trying to keep it from him. Did I do the right thing? I told WH that if he can commit to our marriage 100% and never ever see/e-mail/talk to her ever again then he can come home otherwise I asked him to move out. He thought I wanted a divorce when I called him to meet him. I told him that in no way did I want a divorce, but that I thought he needed time to figure out who/what he wanted. I feel much better. We are still trying to do things as a family and we are due to move from here in Jun 03. I am just afraid he will wait until then and pick up where he left off. He told me she became his best friend. It killed me. I am trying to prepare for the worst (Divorce) in my mind. He asked if I wanted a legal separation? I said no - do you think we need one? He said he will check on it. Does that mean he is close to making up his mind? He says he hasn't, but that isn't how it feels to me. How do I try and keep my space from him when he needs to see the kids and I want to do things as a family too. The more we are together the more deposits I can make into his love bank (after this grieving period-I guess). We do have a date night on Saturday. I hope it goes well. I appreciate any advice you can give me. Am I on the right path to save my marriage?

Barelyholdingon

I forgot to mention that he is remaining celibate until he figures things out. He is doing this for her, but cheats on me. Go Figure.

Barelyholdingon

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Barelyholdingon:
<strong>I forgot to mention that he is remaining celibate until he figures things out. He is doing this for her, but cheats on me. Go Figure.

Barelyholdingon</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is my 2¢. In the short run it feels easier to have WH move out but in the long run it is harder to plan A. Do not take WH's word personally. It is not b/c of you but because of his fog. You have to let him figure it out himself and meanwhile focus on his issues about you in this M. Treat WH like an insane loved one. You love WH so much but WH is insane right now. All the thing that WH has done or will do are forgiven. We are not going to lock up insane loved one unless it posses a threat to themself, we just be there for them and hope one day they will snapped out of it. All the words that WH is saying about OW is not a measure of his love to you but it is a measure of his insanity on his addiction to OW. Until he is sane again you should not take his words personally. Keep us posted on your date and re-read LB. -rh-

WH has been staying home a few nights when he wants to. He still goes to his place whenever he feels like it, but I am letting him stay now. Its his decision to leave not mine now. We had a good Thanksgiving and now that OW doesn't want to have contact anymore with him I am somewhat hopeful that he will come out of the fog and we can try to recover. Its hard because I am feeling so detached and disinterested in trying. I love him, but for 5 months of my trying and he has not, I guess I am tired. How can I keep my resolve/hope to work on this relationship? We have six months before we move and I am hoping that once we do that we can start fresh. Appreciate any advice.

Barleyholdingon

Hi barely, I can definitely relate to what you are going thru since I also had to ask my H to move out 'to think and end his A" when I caught him in repeated contact with the OW he worked with. He was like an addict- would 'slip' from time to time and treat me like crap while he was 'thinking it all over.' My H's OW convinced him she was his one true soulmate and demanded that he not sleep with me and that he continue to look at apts for rent and consult a divorce attorney- she would up the stakes every time he would try to break it off with her. Eventually this did her in- my H actually filed for D on me at her urging and then he finally snapped inside and realized what he was truly doing. He started counseling and said he was 'trapped in a cycle he couldn't get out of". My pastor urged me to think of him as temporarily insane for the months we were going thru this. That is terrific advice and Redhat has suggested it to you here too. If YOU don't want a divorce don't initiate it. I didn't. It wasn't what I wanted for me and our 3 kids depite my H going off the deep end in a major way.When your H brings it up tell him it's wrong and damaging to the kids and there is no point in discussing it further. Have you read the book Love Must be Tough? that is a great book to follow along with the Plan A and B.Also Emily Brown has written a great book about emotional based affairs called "Affairs." She really nails down the causes of emotional soulmate type affairs in a way I haven't seen in other books and I have read at least 50 books about affairs! Hang in there- my H was so out of it when we were separated he would come home and eat dinner some nights with us and was still wearing his wedding ring yet refused to sleep with me for 8 months and constantly mentioned the D process! talk about being insane! Yet we are in recovery now and have been thru lots of counseling and church classes about marriage which is helping. Take care- lifeismessy

Thanks Lifeismessy for the advice. I will try and hold on and keep up Plan A. I posted my history in another post if your interested. Thanks for again for the support.

Barelyholdingon