Hi,
I'm new to this website and have never posted before. I've been with my H for a total of 23 years. We've been married for 18 and have three children (15, 12, 9). I found out in October 01 that he was seeing another woman. It just happened to be 1 week after our 17th anniversary. To say that I was shattered is an understatement... I became depessed and almost suicidal. The OW is about 13 years younger than us and at that time they were working for the same company. He told me he was in love with her and she understood him. That he still loved me but wasn'T "in love with me".
We started counciling in Nov. 01 and without my knowledge he was still secretly having contact ( granted some was at work but that is the contact he would tell me). In Jan of this year the OW contacted me and told me they were still hving contact and how she loved him. I had a few choice words for her and after the call I called my H at work and told him what happened and how he had some explaining to do. He begged for another chance and I followed my heart ( he is generally a good man). He went thru withdrawel bad and I told him I loved him enough to let him go if that is what he wanted.After that it was only ocassional contact from work, he changed jobs in April and there has been no contact since then. I know this is long but my question is how long do I give him to get over her. He still has feelings for her but tells me he loves me so much and is sorry he caused me all this pain. He didn't have sex with er but there was kssing, he''s holding out on me in the kissing dept and I think it's guilt. We've talked about separating, I want him to get thru his feeling for her, I'm no longer willing to share his heart.
I gues I just need feedback. thanks

Stillhurting-

I'd advise you to gather more information from this site before you decide you want to separate. Believe it or not, getting the WS to stop all contact with the OP is the hard part as recovery is impossible with the OP still in the picture. Hang in there!

Thanks litchfield for responding. Belive it or not I have been reading other infrmaion on the sitte. My H hasn't ad contact for over 6 months so the actual contact has stopped. What I have a hard time accepting is he sill has feelings fo her. He says she has a piece of his heart. We had counciling last night and he's not sure whaat type of feelings he has. I told him I cannot accept sharing his heart with OW. I'm probably doing this all wrong.... I guess I'm just feel like I'm at the end of my rope. I told him I love him witj all my heart and I would like that to be returned. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

stillhurting01,

I am new here as well but have not been married as long as you and also we do not have kids. But we are in the same boat along with a lot of other people. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

The only thing I can offer is read, read, and read some more. Ask questions of people here. There are people from all sides of this, the BS, WS, and the OP. I have learned so much from this forum. We can all learn from each other. Good luck. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

P.S. This should help with the all teh funny speak here(BS, WS..etc) click here

Thanks Luki for the response. I have been reading reading and more reading. I have done the book Relationship Resue asked him to also do it. The book hasn't been opened. I filled out the EN survey aked him to so I can understand what his needs are? It's been almost 2 weeks and I havent got it back. It's still sitting in a pile. He thinks alot of this i just mumbo jumbo, he tells me at least he's at counciling. I have been trrying to be upbeat and very loving towards him... I feel like nothing is working. I really think he needs a wake up call.
I do get hugs from him, but he only tells me he loves me if I say it first. We haven't made love in over a year.... we've had sex but no intimacy.
Is it wrong to think after 6 months of no contact that she should be out of the picture????

BW-41 WH- 41 OW-28
Married 18 years Together 23 (my 1 and only)
3 kids D-15, D-12, S-9
D-day #1 10/13/02
D-Day #2 1/23/02
Plan A feels like forever.