He's back at home after affair has dwindled. He's clearly still experiencing midlife crisis. I don't know if he's just hanging around until the holidays are over, but I do know that we are not in recovery. We do have good times between us, but there's no willingness to commit to anything in the future. Plus, he's talked to me about not being sure what he's going to do still. I get the "You deserve better than me" talk out of the blue often.

Now... H committed to go with kids and I for thanksgiving family holiday. We've made this trip for years. Last year, he said he didn't want to go and so I said kids and I will stay with him - we are a family! Now at the last minute, he announces he's not going this year - too busy at work. It's too late for me to back out and let whole family down.

How do I handle this? I've tried to not make a big deal out of it, but it's really hurting me inside. We've never spent a holiday apart. Do I bite my tongue or do I (calmly) talk to him about this - what is his real reason, etc? I guess I know, but this is just eating me up. I'm sure he knows it, too. Holiday's are a big deal to me. How do I continue on a normal path when he's really hurting me? Or even should I? I really don't know how to handle this one.