I am so unhappy,as I cry and read past postings from those suffering the same pain as me. I can't help but feel this is the end. My H had a affair two weeks ago. I know he only apologized because he was caught, and I honestly feel his ego is his only reason for continuing this marriage. I have asked him to get rid od IM messenger and his class scdeule, but he has done nothing but make me feel like I should get over it. No love letters no, special attention. I don't know if I I am feeling especially hurt because of my pregnancy (I am 5 months pregnant) but I cant help feeling this way.

madamnk,

Sorry for your situation, but at the same time welcome to MB. I bet a million different things are running through your mind. I found this post helpful when I first found out: WAT's Quick Start Guidelines for Betrayed Spouses

There are also some links in that post which are useful as well.

Read the website. Get the book "Surviving an Affair" and any others you may deem useful.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My H had a affair two weeks ago. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did you find out 2 weeks ago or was is it a single event?

Has he stopped all contact with OP?

You need to know what you are dealing with on the emotional attachment scale.

Keep posting; there are many people wiser that me that can support you. Lean on them. Keep strong.

<small>[ December 03, 2002, 01:33 PM: Message edited by: Luki ]</small>

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I was 4 months pregnant when my H's affair was discovered (I'm 8 mths now). There is additional pain and issues of abandonment and helplessness when left in this position - added to what is already an almost unbearable situation. Also, I was comparing my growing girth to that of the slim figure of the OW. According to my doctor, however, it is not that uncommon for men to do this when their wives are pregnant (also physical abuse is somewhat common too, I found out). My H moved out to his own apt. and has continued his A. I am in Plan A right now and he has just recently made movements back towards me and our family. One part of me wants to say "Hey, you made your choice and left me during the bulk of this pregnancy, why should you be a part of this birth?" But I think that I'm going to let him participate with the classes etc. to remind him what he's missing out on.

I know it's not much of a help, but the pain does lessen with time and you will grow stronger. Also read these boards and the concepts found at the web site. You're lucky in some respects to have found this website as early as you did. I made a lot of mistakes early on that probably made the situation a lot worse. One concept that really helped me was that of the spouse being in a "fog" at this point.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...You're lucky in some respects to have found this website as early as you did. I made a lot of mistakes early on that probably made the situation a lot worse.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you for taking time to share your kind words and advice with me, I think I may have made a mistake that may have ruin my chances of him ever understanding what he has done was a bad thing. And I don't know what to do, I have even sharedthis site with him so he may understand that what I am feeling, is normal. But he's thinks the first I read on the internet doesn't make it legitamite information. I am even worried about our appointment with a marriage counselor, I feel like he will find something negative about him to not continue with the sessions. I feel so helpless

Hi,

Well even if he does his worst , the counseling will help you. That is the gist of plan A. Not necessarily to win back the WS.....no the WS needs to win the BS back. The BS utlilizes plan A to strengthen herself/himself and one of the benefits is that the WS can see how the BS is more attractive (inner and outer beauty) than the A will ever be.

However you can not control the thoughts and actions of the WS. You can control yours. That is the main thing. A BS goes to plan B when plan A becomes ineffective and the WS treats the BS with continued disrespect even with a sucessfully executed plan A (no LBing, marked self improvement, etc.).

L.