OK-here’s my story. Been married 15 years, two kids. Over the years, had gut feeling (call it woman’s intuition) that H was cheating. Four years ago, finally had to act on my feelings. Turned into Nancy Drew and did my own investigation. Found out he was hoing around with co-workers. Of course I was so hurt, confused, angry, and held it in for a month or so. Finally confronted him. Of course he apologized and swore it would never happen again, even cried and begged me to forgive. Needless to say, I no longer trusted or respected him. I was one of those that would do almost anything to make my marriage work, too bad I was the only one trying. I was really stressing myself out about this thing. After going through various stages of depression, denial, anger, etc. I finally came to the conclusion that we are all not perfect and forgave him and told him I would work on forgetting it. In the process, I changed and found myself not depending on him for happiness. I started hanging out with my girlfriends again, for which I had completely kicked to the curve. Everybody needs somebody to talk to. Previously, I had no one.
Anyway, I met someone that was going through practically the same thing I was, it is just so common these days and we started off just being friends. Over a 2-3 month period, my H seemed bitter because he didn’t like me having a life other than with him. But he failed to see that I didn’t feel like I could depend on him anymore. I always felt that he would up and leave at anytime. I needed a life too. Anyway, I ended up having an A and was caught. My H took me through pure hell. He played mind games with me, he really wanted me to suffer and I did. This went on for almost a year. Not only did he run the guilt trip on me, but I did it to myself as well. He always found a way to throw it up in my face and told me he would never forget it. In his eyes, I committed the crime of all crimes.
To date (minus a two months) meanwhile, he was taking me through all this grief and I was trying so hard to fix things. I mean really digging deep and soul searching. He didn’t want me to tell anyone or talk to anyone about it, but yet and still he talked to his mom. I had no one. I begin to get those woman’s intuition again and just felt something was wrong. Again I did my investigation and found out he was up to his old tricks again. It was so ironic, just the night before he had bought up the subject that if he ever found out I was cheating again, it would be over. And I asked him if he wanted his freedom because it seems that he will never be able to forgive me. He told me that he wanted his marriage to work and that he would do anything. Just the very next day he was on the phone telling the OW that he missed her, wanted her, couldn’t wait to see her, had something very special planned for her-they had planned to get together that Friday. How dare him let me bare myself to him while he was having another A with yet AW? Does this sound like a man who wanted his marriage to work, especially after knowing how hard I was trying at it. To make a long story short, I confronted him and told him I needed my space and we need to separate. We are now, going through the separation stages? We haven’t been intimate in over 2 months. I have asked him to move out (we have a condo). He has been moving out for the last 2 months, always finding an excuse to not go.
This is really hard for me!! We have known each other practically all our lives. We are great with everything except us. He is a good father, business partner, but he is not to be trusted with my heart. Okay that is enough. What do you think?????
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