My 44 year old wife, the woman I still love, moved into her own apartment 15 months ago. This was preceeded by her having several internet affairs. I discovered her deeds, and she was sorry at first, then later angered by my snoopiness. She moved out, and her first purchase was her own computer. Over the last year she has met many guys, causal affairs for sex. She chatted all the time, and enjoyed her independance. She flew to Vegas to meet a guy, and I think she still emotionally is involved with him. She expressed a desire to see our older teen kids more, and I have asked her many times to reconsider and move home. I am new to this site and must admit did quite a bit of Love Busting during this time. The current relationship between her and I is good I guess, we go out to eat, work out, watch TV, etc. She comes over after work/school and stays until 8-9pm. Its as if everything is normal except she sleeps at her appt. She says she "loves me but she is not in love with me." We are together a lot and actually communicated well. I believe I have been in a sort of plan A for quite a while. But her life is pretty good, she has her family need met by being with us most of the time, then she goes home and chats/phones etc.
So my quesiton is, do I stick with this and hope she comes out of the fog eventually, or go to plan B, ask her to not come over any more, to force the issue. I am running out here myself ...thanks!!

i'd say after 15 months, it's time to protect yourself by moving onto plan b. as long as she can have everything, she'll just keep going on the way she has been. until there are some real consequences to her actions, she won't have to face the reality of the choice she's made. cut her off from you, no more coming over to hang out and watch tv or working out or dinners. either she works her way back to the marriage or works her way out. do you really want to keep hanging on the way you are now for years to come?

I agree with kristawny in that as long as your WW knows there are no consequences to her behavior, she can enjoy her lifestyle of having lovers and a H willing to always be there for her if things turn sour.

There's another reason why you should consider plan B and that is while you still love your WW, the resentment within you is building up with every betrayal she subjects you to, and if she ever does decide to come back and sincerely committ herself on rebuilding the M, you will probably have an extremely difficult time in overcoming your resentment thus making any marital recovery efforts on your part highly unlikely to succeed.

Remember that even if you do a flawless plan A/plan B there is absolutely NO guarantee that it will save your M, so the sooner you start accepting the possibility that your M may end up in divorce, the sooner you can start making decisions based on reason and less on emotion.

Thank you for your feedback. I have been holding on too long here for my own good. When I tell her that she can only come to our house to visitswhen are kids are home, she will blow up. She knows our son doesnt like to go to her place. I know this is right and I will do this in as pleasant a way as possible. She can still see them pretty much anytime, (they are teenagers, how much are they home anyway?), but she cant be at the house when kids arent there. That is the only change, switching to B. Thanks for the link and the feedback.