I had a session with Jennifer last week and she recommended that I do Plan A for two more weeks and then implement Plan B.

I feel my Plan A has been far from perfect, however I have noticed that my W has noticed a change in me (we're only communicating over the phone) and has responded somewhat to them (although not consistently).

Since last Saturday I have implemented Plan A to a tee. I know it is only a short time but it is the first time I have felt proud of my Plan A. Monday morning W asked me that if we were to work on the M and it didn't work would I finally accept it? I am still puzzled by this question. We spoke again Monday night and Tuesday night; brief conversations but very pleasant.

I'd like opinions about prolonging Plan A now that I feel better about sticking to it. I will also ask Jennifer (my appt is next Monday) but would like to hear from all of you. Her A, even at a distance, has become stronger after they spent Thanksgiving weekend together but she's not as accusing as before and is being more pleasant. I don't want to get my hopes up but what if she's starting to notice the effect of Plan A and I would prematurely implement Plan B?

Thanks.

utterlyconfused
Jennifer will have assessed your situation if she feels that you should go to Plan B there will be good reason. You can only do your best.
Has your W had MC with Jennifer? How committed is she to working on the M at this time? I would be worried in case she wants to say that she wants your M to work but actually wants it to fail. If OM is not out of the picture that will be a foregone conclusion.
We all know that our Plan A's could be better. I know mine was far from perfect. If it is time to go to Plan B then there is nothing you can do about your Plan A. If you don't move to Plan B when the time is right you will lose your love for WS. In my case it was very clear to me that this was happening. I am now in Plan B and still love WS even though nearly everyone around me is telling me to move on without her. At this moment in time I love my W and only time will tell if that love survives Plan B. If it doesn't I believe from what I have learnt on MB, that I will be ready for that.
As far as Plan A goes, it is for life, although we can't change our pasts we can still improve our Plan A's in the future.
NS

Hi Utterly: I posted a reply to you under my name in Just Found Out. Hope all is well. wu

uc,
Thing change fast ... w/ new info. of W willing to be nice. Present this new info to Jennifer, I think she would ask you to stay in plan A. The key in A, BS has to stay as long as possible in plan A while waiting either LB$ is close to nill or WS rejects your plan A. Stay in plan A and fine tuned it ... there is no perfect plan A, it always need improvement <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

-rh-

Thank you for your reply.

Jennifer still thinks I should go to Plan B but to check myself every day to see if I can go one more day doing Plan A, one day at a time.

For now I've made the decision to wait after Christmas to send her the letter.

Last night I spoke with my W briefly and on a couple of ocassions she was going to make a remark, stopped and I did not press her to say anything else. I recognized that if I did I could have LB'ed her. So I'm finally learning.

Thanks for your replies.

wu,

Thank you for replying. I did read your post. I keep telling myself this is the biggest test of my life and I hope to pass it with or w/o my W although I prefer with her.

I am beginning to feel better about myself. I've had support from every imaginable place: friends, family, IC, this site, people at this site, people at work, etc.

The other reason I think I am ready to go to Plan B soon is to preserve the love I have for my W. I am beginning to feel it dwindle and that's the last thing I want. I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. But time will tell.

I am checking myself day to day and I feel fine, but I think the true test will come with the next crisis/fight. If I feel my LB$ going down even further then that's my signal to go to Plan B. If, however, I can remain calm or excuse myself or do Plan A properly then I can continue Plan A a little longer. My idea is to make sure I do Plan A the best I can before going to Plan B. That way that's the image she retains.

<small>[ December 19, 2002, 07:49 PM: Message edited by: utterlyconfused ]</small>