Hi--am new here--I need to know how I can ask my wife, to give PLAN A/ PALN B a try--here's the story--we have been married for 10 weeks--we dated/ have been together for 3 yrs--3rd marriage for her, 2nd for me--I was not honest w/ her about other relationships from the past--I have carried on internet relationships that shold not have been--I have been through counseling-and for a while worked--but then I failed--I had choices, and did not choose--love, honor and obedience--she has taken me back many times--we have come to the brink many times of losing the relationship--but I would clean my act up, and be better for awahile--now we are married, and I failed--for whatever reason, I was back on the net--we got married on Oct 9--a Wednesday--it was "we either ger married now, or never"--I love her--I realize that when I did show love to Rita, I did not love myself--when I did honor Rita, I did not honor Rita and when I did not obey what put us together-the idea of the holy matrimony, then I could not love and honor Rita or myself----so now, she and I stand at a line in the sand--I just discovered this site, and want some ways to tell her to please slow down on the divorce thing--to please let us do, not try Plan A--also I have realized that I cannot change, but must repent--which means to flee--run away from the addiction of the net--by knowing that--and I wish someone would have told me this long ago, and I really believe,I would not have had any of these problems--for if I do not love and honor Rita, then I do not love and honor myself--and I cannot be obedient to God--I have told her allof this--but as she said--give you a week and I'll be back at it--I sent her the sign up to the newsletter for MarriageBuilders--I hope she suscribes--so say a prayer for me--and I eagerly awair yoour replies---marathon1054--aka bobby who loves rita

You don't ask SO for doing plan A/plan B ... it is about you and just do it attitude. Since you are the WS, plan A has a bit different meaning ... first you have to repent like you say then follow by promise of ammends. If you have to pull the online plug, then just do it. It is the same in sense that you have to change and show changes to SO.

Print ENQ/LBQ ... fillin for your SO ... do your best to fillin ENs and avoid LB at all cost.

-rh-

Hi Marathon1954,

I congratulate you on recognising the pain you are causing your new Wife; you seem remorseful and willing to act to quit your online relationships. This is your first step. This site has lots of suggestions to actually help you reach your goal, and show your W you are serious and committed enough.

I can't speak for you W but honest admission and then providing complete honesty and access to your IT activities, even if you might stumble sometimes or not quit cold turkey- we are all human - are in my opinion best way to help you to form real R with your Wife versus fantasy ones online.

Cut the risk of your fantasy A getting physical. I hoped (against my gut feelings) that EA online is nothing, really, but I was wrong, even before it becoming physical, it took my H attention, time and commitment from me and our family. If he had stopped it early, when I expressed my feelings, we'd actually benefit from learning about his needs and his noticing mine without being as badly hurt as I am now. Your window of opportunity might be over soon.

Please don't let it happen to you. Your marriage is so new; you can fix early mistakes and make it a perfect one. Don't let your feeling of guilt and need for secrecy be stronger then your W ability to forgive with time.
I don't want to sound preachy, but the pain or last months and uncertain future is nothing to wish upon anybody.
FBOW

Any info available on Plan A & Plan B?
I may have unknowingly enacted Plan B. Essentialy issued an ultimatum. My situation:
wife of 25 years walked out on children and I (6 total - 3 grown w/ kids and 3 still home ages 17, 8, 5) 3 months ago after confronting her re: affair. I filed for divorce a few days later. She was introduced to OM by a co-worker of mine. She approached me twice since leaving about reconciling, most recently a few weeks ago. We saw a counselor (whom she actually liked) and she even went for a one-on-one. She had broken off relationship w/ OM approx 1 month earler. On the evening of her 1-on-1 w/ counselor, I discovered wife and OM in a hotel. Spoke to wife the following day and asked her about the counseling session the previous day. She said it went well, pretended everything was ok. I told her I could not continue with reconciliation efforts and later told her I knew she was with OM in motel. She responded to OMs invitation for 1 last get-together before he left town. I saw counselor and afterward provided wife with a letter - an ultimatum - wherein I told her I would have no further contact with her unless she met certain conditions. I know this doesn't deposit any "love units" in her account, but the kids and I need a few in our accounts as well. I am reaching the proverbial "point of no return" where no matter what she does, the kids and I will move on with the process of rebuilding our lives. Reconciling seems less appealing. I still love her deeply, but am weary of "keeping the job open" for her. She agrees to my conditions or I keep the children (already awarded temporary custody), house, etc. She has lost her job, OM no longer on the scene and her newfound freedom isn't much fun. Any thoughts?

Start off with Plan A and Plan B...

...and then follow up with....
Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)
Plan B - 101 (2nd ed.)
Plan B - 201

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim/NSR

NSR,
Wife has been out of the house for over three months. Divorce has been pending for three months (I filed). When she indicated
she wanted to pursue reconciliation, I had been unsuccessful in ANY plan from A to Z and had pretty much resorted to the "Tough Love" approach in Dobson's book. This actually worked to a large degree in that each time I took a "tough" stance she would become conciliatory. But as soon as she saw that I was still "keeping the job open" by showing wilingness to reconcile, she would be off again. The most recent effort to reconcile was initiated by her, and we saw the counselor. She seemed excited about the counselor and returned for 1-on-1. I broke off reconciliation efforts after learning of the last involvement with boyfriend before he left town. Since I essentially issued an ultimatum, and have enacted the "no contact" portion of Plan B, what now? The divorce remains in progress.