OK here's my plan A so far and a brief history. I'd appreciate any input any of you have out there and your take on my situation.
Here goes:
15 days ago W says she's not happy. She doesn't thinks she's in love with me anymore and wants to leave. Swears there's no affair. Since then she finds a small cheap appartment and says she wants to only take a few of her things with her to be comfortable. Wants to keep paying half the bills at home and not do anything permenent like legal seperation or putting the house up for sale. With a couple minor setbacks early on (just having a real hard time with this and can't stop myself from some LB's) I've tried to be real supportive of her decision. Told her to take whatever she thought she needed to be comfortable. Said I'd help her load up her stuff tommorrow. Went shopping with her to help her pick up some stuff she needs that we don't have two of. Went through the motions at Xmas with her (we both just cried the whole time we opened each others gifts) and I've been making small talk with her whenever she wants as well as getting up with her every morning to make her coffe and see her off to work wishing her a good day as well as doing most of the household chores (why I waited till now to do this I have no idea). She's gone from not wanting to work things out at all to talking about seeing each other for "dates" once in a while and contacting each other via instant messenger every day to see if we can work on some issues together. I've been totally torn apart inside but am just trying to smile and spend as much time with her as possible doing anything she wants to do. Last night I asked her how she was feeling as she was finishing up her packing and she said mixed up but she thinks this might be good for us. Other things she's said: "don't just sit around here moping I want you to try and have some fun" I say "Dont you worry about that I'm going to get out and have as much fun as I can" she says "well we don't want to go out too much and lose our focus"....WHAT??? Also said she thinks it might be cool to start over as friends again. I'm am so confused as to what in the world is going through her head I could burst. I just said OK your right. So far my plan is to just give her her space when she leaves and let her make all the first moves (going to be tough). Does this sound like anything good to any of you? I'm confused as hell. I'm the kind of person that when I see a problem I get to work on fixing it. She's running away from our problems though. I just don't understand. Anyway thats the story. What do you all think?

Thanks

Me thinks she is having an A. Very mixed signals here. Often a sign of communication with the alien ship where one loses the ability to communicate with the human race.

Now in all this confusion what are you doing for yourself? Are you getting counseling, reading up, organizing your support group so you can stay grounded?

Funny when a WS (or WS in denial) flutters in the face of all that is logical, it causes the BS to become more grounded. The BS steps back and takes a hard look at where they've been, where they are and tries hard to see through that haze of a fog.

Well, welcome to MB. It is kinda slow here on the weekends..... but there is lots of reading you can do. Try the book his needs/her needs. Since you are not certain about an A, try the book suriving an affair. At least you will learn to recognize the signs.

JMHO,
L.

My H kept telling me the same thing...that he wanted to move out so he could "miss me". He wanted to date again, to start over. The problem is, I don't want to date my H. He is my H, not a date. He wants the bonus of being in a relationship (a place to go when he is lonely or bored, but he doesn't HAVE to go) but he gets to avoid the daily in and out. I think it is called "cake".

The problem is, do we want to be the server or the guest??

My WS said he wanted to move out 2 days ago but hasn't made any moves to go anywhere. He is not seeing the OW during this time although he may be talking to her over the phone. He's giving me the silent treatment and I have backed off. It's so hard and confusing. I want to beg him to stay. However, I have been telling myself that it is unhealthy to want someone that doesn't want you. We have been married 26 years though and he is all I known and wanted.