|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
Why is a LETTER recommended? I verbally told my WH that we need to separate unless he cuts off contact with OW. Will he pretend that he did not hear me? After agreeing to the separation yesterday and spending the night out at a motel without the OW , he came home tonight as if the conversation did not happen. Do I need to write a letter? I have not said a word to him.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,790
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,790 |
mimi, I was just looking around the site to see if it specifically says why a letter is recommended, but I couldn't find anything. I'll dig out my book and see if it gets more in-depth. I would think doing an actual letter will give the WS something concrete to refer to and it's there in black and white so they can't say they forgot (like you mentioned). Maybe someone else will stop in who knows more on the subject... in the meantime I'll pull out the book and get back to you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
I wrote a letter last night and then slept on the couch. He is going along with his daily activities as usual but has not verbally responded to me. Should I just wait until he says something to me first? I wrote that he needs to break off all contact in order for us to stay together. Its interesting. After writing the letter, I'm not even sure that I can reconcile after feeling like I wanted him yesterday. The letter did contribute to some changes in my thinking. Maybe that's a worthwhile reason for writing one. Any assistance from anyone would be most appreciated.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 920
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 920 |
would someone please tell me where you read about plan A/B? All i can find is letters but not the concepts. Thank you. LouLou
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,697
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,697 |
LouLOu,
Plan A / B information can be found in the book "Surviving an Affair" by Willard Harley. I thought there was information in this website about plan A/B but in doing a quick search could not find it. (Maybe it's there but I didn't see it tonight)
D.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 920
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 920 |
Willgetthruthis and NSR, Thank you both. I appreciate you info. God bless, LouLou
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406 |
The writting of the Plan B letter... ...is a dividing line. It signals a point of probable no return... ...that you have accepted the fact that... your marriage may nor be salvageable. It's a last notice... formally put in writting... that your spouse must change... as you have change in your Plan A. (always do a good Plan A before entering into Plan B). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Jim/NSR
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
The problem was that my WS did not seem seriously committed to PLAN A although he knew I was doing this. He wouldn't agree to spend undivided time with me,etc. He seemed more concerned about the OW's panic when she realized we were trying to salvage things. She started the phone calls,etc. and I guess he responded. After one week, he saw her for a few hours. I know because he got lost and came back with a totally different attitude. She's young enough to be our daughter and I guess needy and helpless which he may find appealing. Why should I care? I know.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406 |
To start a true program to be a better you... ...it's not your H that has to commit to a Plan A. ...it is you. ...then, after a (or several) attempts at lovingly explaining that Plan A is a lifetime effort on your part... ...it he rejects all that Plan A offers... ... you make the conscience decision to move to Plan B... ...starting with a Plan B letter. You can't change a stone to bread... ...but you can make yourself the best person you can be... with a good, firm and committed Plan A. (Your Plan A) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Jim/NSR
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
Do you think I should try Plan A again, letting him know that I want to make a lifetime effort. He has not responded at all to my Plan B letter. He seems to be trying this "Actions speak louder than words" strategy, coming home right after work,etc. However, that's not an indication that he is not talking to the OW by phone. His last physical contact with her was just on December 26. I'm nervous about tonight since it is New Year's. I don't want to go through the pain with his stuff here and knowing he is out with her. My strongest belief today is that he truly believes that he does not love me anymore. He,however, insists that he is not "in love" with her.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406 |
Are you in Plan B?... and still living together? ...that is an unusal situation... although there are those that have had to do this already. What were your logistics in your Plan B letter? ...your no contact with S? ...his no contact with OW? ...how communication is to be established? How long was your Plan A? How good was it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Jim/NSR
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
147
guests, and
46
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,659
Posts2,323,613
Members72,372
| |
Most Online9,682
May 13th, 2026
|
|
|
|
