I haven't been on this site is a while, but I'm in desperate need for some opinions. To update my saga, my husband has now found a new young thing to enhance his MLC, as well as, maintaining a little long distance contact with ow(who didn't leave her husband).

I've asked H to move out. I can't live with his continued disrepectful behavior. I've told him that I still love him and wish things were different, but that I care about myself too much to continue the abuse. He knows a window is open if he decided to treat me in the right way.
He's been sad about it, but very willing to go. He says he knows he's not treating me right and that he needs to leave to be fair to me. He seems to think that he can't control his behavior. He knows that being with his family shouldn't be such an effort. He says he just doesn't want the dream anymore.

I've been spending time on the marriage builders site and when I posted my decision, the response was negative. That I throwing away my marriage. Is that the opinion of people here? I'm scared to death, but nothing has worked here. I've tried independence, changing myself and my behaviors. He still has no respect for marriage or me. I just found out this morning that he gave new girl an expensive christmas gift. He says it was a thank you for being a friend. I felt like I was slapped in the face. I just feel so sick right now, I want to die.

I don't see it as YOU throwing away your marriage. Your husband has his own free which he will use to make his own decisions. He is clearly making his own decision about the marriage here. Just because you asked him to leave does not mean that you are the one wanting to end the marriage. You do have the right to decide what you do and do not want in your marriage.

It sounds like his behavior is draining you emotionally and you are trying to protect yourself from it. You have the right to do this. Maybe Plan B will open your husband's eyes to the fact that the OW can not meet all of his EN's and he will reconsider his decision to continue that lifestyle. Maybe it won't.

Only you can decide if this is the right thing to do. It takes two people to make a marriage work, and if he doesn't want that marriage, there is not much you can do except work on yourself as a person. Please ask a doctor for help to get you through this rough time. I'm more concerned about your comment that you want to die than any other part of this. This is a very stressful time for you so please take the time to nuture yourself and take care of yourself.

When do you suspend Plan A and go to Plan B?...
...that's completely up to you!

Some can do the Plan A for years... others a few months... in other cases (rare ones)... it should be immediate.

If you've done a 'good' Plan A...
...and there is no change of heart... and most importantly... you're at the point of losing all love (not respect... but love) for your H...
...consider Plan B.

Checkout my posts on these:

Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)
Plan B - 101 (2nd ed.)
Plan B - 201

You have my prayers.

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Jim/NSR