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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Archived Plan A/Plan B counseling now or later?

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counseling now or later? #464760 01/02/03 08:48 PM
Joined: Jan 2003 Posts: 531 Missouri S starman Member
starman Member S Joined: Jan 2003 Posts: 531 Missouri	First hello to everyone this is my first time to this site. It's pretty amazing. Okay I have a question for everyone. My wife is currently splitting her time between here, (we have 5 kids)and her boyfriends. She has shown interest in wanting to work things out and I believe she is sincere but right now she's still to attached to this guy and scared to leave him completely. She said she wanted to see a counselor about us and while I was looking for one I came across this website. After reading for hours I'm now wondering if I should go ahead with the counseling now to show her how serious I am about fixing things or should I wait to see if she leaves this guy first? I thought since the counseling will be about her also that it might make her feel even more pressure and push her in the wrong direction. What do you think?

Re: counseling now or later? #464761 01/02/03 09:40 PM
Joined: Dec 2002 Posts: 269 D dinotopia Member
dinotopia Member D Joined: Dec 2002 Posts: 269	Get into councelling asap. PLEASE! Look around find a good one, its a giant leap in the right direction if your spouse is willing to go.

Re: counseling now or later? #464762 01/02/03 09:43 PM
Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 103 T tommaz Member
tommaz Member T Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 103	Most marriage counsellors will tell you that working on the marriage is impossible unless there is no contact with OM. The commitment to rebuild the marriage must be 100% not 25%. She needs to leave this guy first and by doing that show you that she is serious. Otherwise you will be on a emotional rollercoaster with her going back and forth for the next few years. In my opinion you need to take a tough love approach. I would set up a meeting with her and the bf and ask him whether he is willing to marry your wife and take on the responsibility of 5 children. I betch you that he will dump your wife after being put on the spot. There is nothing like reality to shake things up and make people start thinking more clearly.

Re: counseling now or later? #464763 01/02/03 09:47 PM
Joined: Dec 2002 Posts: 269 D dinotopia Member
dinotopia Member D Joined: Dec 2002 Posts: 269	I actually would assume at this point a good marriage councellor would indeed, point a WS to that fact.

Re: counseling now or later? #464764 01/02/03 10:27 PM
Joined: Sep 1999 Posts: 5,406 N NSR Member
NSR Member N Joined: Sep 1999 Posts: 5,406	I have to agree.. ...see a MC... preferrable an MB MC. But I'll be honest with you... ...the chances that your W will actively participate is slim... even if she says she will do it! While the affair is on... ...until she, not the MC, sees the damage in continuing the affair... she can do nothing to contribute to her or your benefit... by attending counseling with you. In fact... it could very well exaserbate the situation. But for you... start! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Jim/NSR

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