I have been accommodating the OW for 1year now with all the hurt and pain you all know so well.We have been going to counselling for 2months now and it really started to feel like he was coming out of the fog.We had a great Xmas and then I find a card from ow which makes it clear their relationship is still as strong as ever.Things have rapidly gone downhill from there,with me and the kids unable to contain our anger towards him.He says he doesn't want to leave us, says it's all over with her, and guess what, I catch him on the mobile to her last night. Our counselling session degenerated into pure conflict today and carried on at home. The counsellor wants an individual session with each of us stating she feels I have a lot of anger and hurt to deal with and he has issues to deal with.I came out feeling I'd had a session with the OW's ventriliquists Dummy as my WH sat and rationalised and made copious excuses for OW hurtful behaviour towards me.I screamed at him that he had become HER voice and advocate.He's telling me to take my anger to my session with counsellor and that he's sorry for what he said in the session.The counsellor says I have to stop "checking up" on him if we want to rebuild .I keep stating he has to stop contact with OW if he wants to rebuild. I feel so angry right now, I feel powerless against OW and I want to inflict pain and hurt on her.Can someone please help me?????

(((gibang))) - BIG HUG!

I know how you are feeling. If you see my recent posts in Recovery, I am right back to Ground Zero! Listening to VM from OW telling him she misses him and loves him and can't wait for him to get there. She lives in another state. Lies, lies, lies!

I live with the "checking up on him" drama each and every day. This is so humiliating and painful!!!

Things I have learned in the last two days from people I love and praying:

The Lord shows us our weaknesses so we can be humble and turn to Him to make them our strengths.

No matter what you do, you cannot stop contact, he has to do it. I hate that part with every core of my being!!!

Take care of YOU!!!

God Bless!

Thanks for your kind response, and at the end of the day it really helps to know you are all out there struggling through every day as I am.Sorry for any time delays but I am across "the pond".Today I feel totally wretched and so full of hate I am ashamed of my thoughts and I feel I am being eaten alive by the need for revenge.The strange thing is I have coped with this for a year now, and I think I am angry with myself for being powerless to stop his affair, and I know what you say is true, only he will stop when he is ready, but I am starting to feel totally paranoid about his motives and I imagine them plotting and planning to acquire the best finances for themselves should he decide to leave.He keeps giving me double messages and I seem to be unable to reassure myself from the notices on this site now,and previously this site has given me the courage to continue.Sorry to go on, but what do I DO WITH THIS HATRED?????