My WH's birthday is coming up. I had suggested that we go to lunch together on his birthday. He said no because the "gang" at work usually take the birthday person out to lunch and he was pretty sure that they would be taking him out. Here is my problem...I don't think he should go. The reason why, is SHE works there. What is going to stop her from going as she is part of the "gang". I think it is inappropriate for him to go to lunch with her, even if it is as a group. I would like for him to ask her not to go. What do you think? Why can't he just get another job????

D-Day 4-2002 (but "knew" a long time before that)
Don't know if I am truly in recovery or not....

W2H
If you are truly in recovery then WH should have sent NC letter and be demonstrating with actions that it is off with OW.
IMVHO telling him what to do will probably have the opposite effect. You both need to discuss EN's and boundaries. He must realise that contact with OW will prevent recovery.

NS

There is no way to have NC..he is her boss. So, I can't do anything about it besides suck it up and keep pretending like it doesn't bother me until I can figure out how to make it not bother me.

W2h,

If he is her boss, then he can make the correct 'business decision' and get her transferred. This is not an emotional decision, it is a business one. In fact if he doesn't take steps to reconcile this soon, others above him could take that step for him (unless he is the owner of the company - even then - same rules).

So he needs to prove to you what steps he will take to make you feel safe and secure in your M. That is the level of responsibility I put on my H.

re: As a manager, I can tell you that we have to answer to our superiors.....all the time. That is what a 'real manager' should be doing. This employee has already shown to be disloyal (putting personal interests ahead of business needs at the company's expense). The question should be what else is she doing that could hurt the company??? Of course the same applies to your H as well. IMHO, I would question her status as a good employee. With that under his craw, your words should ring in his ears each time he sees her!!! Now if he retorts to you 'well what about me?', calmly say.... 'yes you to dear, your status as a good employee could also be in jeporady...what are you going to do about that?' Wait for his reaction, then say something like.....'wouldn't it be better to make yourself a valued employee instead of a bad one?'

JMHO,
L.

<small>[ January 12, 2003, 02:15 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>