To all of you, thank you again...to give some more backround for you as to my situation at the moment, i was quite strong after dday with the help of friends; i changed the locks and told H he was not welcome in our home after what he had done - i told H that i would not even think about him coming home for 3 months, this was important to me b/c that's how long we were married when i found out about OW (god it sounds terrible to look at it written down)...and i did stick to that, H didnt move home until the week we were going on our belated honeymoon, and of course i thought he was not going to contact OW after that and i was dead wrong - now that he is back w/D and I its alot harder to kick him out again. i think i have stayed w/H for some good reasons and many more bad reasons..lets start with the good - when we get along, we get along great; we have alot in common, we make eachother laugh, he adores my daughter, has a great family, and we even finish eachothers sentences - alot of "i was just thinking that" kind of stuff...i love that he grabs my hand in passing or gives me a pinch or a peck on the cheek, little things like that. BUT - the bad...the infidelity of course hits the top of the list, mix that with the fact that we have had a very dysfunctional (like 1X a month) love life for quite some time...gee, he wasnt in the mood with me but apparently that was not the case with other people! and now im arguing, literally, with the fact that he is talking to OW and still bent on this stupid trip to Mardi Gras...how pathetic is that?? I did give him an ultimatum this weekend and told him that if he continues to talk to OW and continues to plan to go to Mardi Gras that i will file for D...but he is so arrogant that i think he beleives i wont do it...and you know, i have given him every reason to think that by not standing up to him and saying enough is enough!!!! that is why i decided to go to the week long therapy program - i need to get my head on straight again, because this has been a pattern with me, H is not the first person to treat me like this - but hopefully he will be the last. it is just so difficult because when the good times peer through, im reminded of how wonderful things used to be between us, and even in a situation as bad as ours, you tend to cling to that sometimes - i call it the "crumbs" that you pick up and cherish even when everything else is falling around you. Thanks again for your kind words and feel free to keep them coming!
