Status:
-WW living in apartment.
-A has been over for months.
-WW has been promising to 'make a decision' about us (pretty damned presumptuous, wouldn't you say?)

Today I told my WW to collect the remainder of her things. I told her that I felt she hadn't made any progress in her therapy and that not talking about our marriage is disappointing to me. I told her that I feel I have been dragging a dead weight behind me for six-months.

I also told her that if wants to flirt and be this pretend-social butterfly then to go and do it full time. She said that she tries to talk to me. But she really doesn't. She talks about everything except us and after 6-months I just don't care anymore. I also told her that I felt she will just keep on sliding along doing nothing, and that I'm not going to wait anymore.
I feel free finally! Free of her childish behavior and selfishness. Free from being disappointed. Three times prior to now I had a chance to blow her out the door, yet I continued to "give her another chance" and every time I regretted not taking that window of opportunity to cut her off. She has been a cake eater all this time and now it's over!

I had to be the strong one (as usual) and end it, but it's done at last. I don't have to be married to a selfish 34-year old child anymore.

L

So you are saying that your love bank account for her has been finally closed?

Good for you!!!! Let her be free.......

Enjoy your freedom.... Life is good and full of pleasures...

I sure wish more people on here would see that they would feel so much better if they would tell the unfaithful spouse they were movin on.........

She will respect you for this as time unfolds.....
and respect precedes love........

TMCM: Not entirely. It's sad to come to this point, but she just wants to 'have her cake' as they say here at MB. And I do not want to continue being the rock that she can cling to emotionally or however else, when she isn't someone who I can count on. I have plan-A'd for nearly a year, been welcome and forgiving, and she continues to abuse that kindness.

KM4wrd: You're so right. I often wonder why getting rid of a problem like a disrespectful WS isn't considered a healthy thing to do.

Thank you for your well wishes.
L

Iron Mike-

Man I felt like you were telling my exact story. I hhave given chance after chance, and I have seen lie after lie in return.

The only difference WW is living in MY HOME. But I swear to the Almighty that I thought you were me and you were describing my wife. Be tough man. Be kind, but show her that you are moving on. Its been tough on me but why would we want them is they are cake eaters that are out for themselves only.

Its as if they are saying

"Mr Husband, please meet my needs and oh by the way don't expect me to do crap"

Take Care man! You should read my Yo-YO post in general questions, it will make you laugh!

Thanks, rlyhurtin. It feels good to get feedback from another H that got slammed like me. Yeah we're about the same there with the WW acting like that, like they expect everything and do nothing. Even blaming us for being upset about it!

I will follow your advice and try to be kind and strong at the same time. I have been rather short with her lately, -not so kind. But I will try. I am going to send her a Plan-B letter.

Personally I think it's over, but I thought it would be a non-A-hole thing to do, -you know going out by taking the high road and all.

Thanks again and best to you. I hope things work out for your situation and stay strong too.

LI It's good that you finally went to plan B because of the following (from MB coach cerri2):

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"No one wants to go to Plan B. And the thing you have to realize about WH brilliant methods is that much of what he has shown to work, goes against what our emotions tell us to do. Instinctively as humans we use demands, disrespect and anger to get what we want. But as he states so well, in the end those things (that our emotions tell us to do) don't work.

The same is true with Plan B. Nobody goes there willingly. If there is the least little feeling of love for the WS or the least little hope that the A might end, we all want to stick it out and stay in the battle. But a love bank can be drained in a heartbeat, more than that, it can go deep in the red. And when that happens and the feelings of love for the WS are gone, the BS has no desire to fix the marriage any longer.

I see it over and over again. People who should go to Plan B and who won't. They think they can save the marriage by continuing to hang on meeting needs and being pleasant... all the while the WS is running around with someone else... disregarding the pain he is causing to his family. And then bingo... one day the BS wakes up and says 'that's it, it's over, I don't know what I ever saw in this person, he's an idiot and jerk and I want nothing to do with him.'

And then, the marriage is over. When the affair ends... which they almost all do...sooner with Plan B and telling... the BS has no desire to reconcile or to even talk about restoring the marriage. The love is gone, and the BS has been too hurt. Plan B is to protect the BS and to prevent that from happening. It needs to be done while there are still feelings of love.
"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope this helped.

I am very new to this site. I do not understand most of the terms used. However, I do have hope for my marriage. I think that the hope has come one year too late. I have been separated from my husband for one year, we have two beautiful daughters. My husband has never felt that he could trust me. He did have an affair - which meant nothing after I told him of an emotional affair with a co-worker. I spent months mopping around the house depressed over my co-worker ending things with me and being with another woman. Mean while, my husband sat by griving with me. We sold our house out of anger and confusion. He has been doing everything possible to make things work and I have been so scared to admit that I have to work things out within my self so that I could love him unselfishly. Now he is with another woman and I feel the pain that I put him through. I am so sorry. I love my husband and I belive that he loves me. He says that he thinks that too much has happend and that we will spend more time arguing over that past than successfully recovering the good times to come. I do not know what to do - Have I waited too long?? He says that he can truly see what kind of a person that I am now - not his kind. I was stupid. Please help!! slbest@cbburnet.com