I would really appreciate advice right now, today is hell. I have been married 14 years and the last 4 have been bad. Right after my 2nd son was born things went to pot. I was not meeting any of H EN's and he was not meeting any of mine. D-Day was Oct 12th, he told me has had several ONS> I told him I wanted to work on our marriage, he fully expected me to throw him out. He told me he wanted to work on the marriage too. He really tried hard in the next 2 months, everything seemed to be going ok, UNTIL Jan 13th, He seemed down and I asked him what is wrong, he said he didnt feel the "connection " with me and expected to by now (only 2 months, impatient-but hopeful???) I had noticed that he was spending alot of time online with a co-worker LIGHT DAWNS ON MARBLEHEAD==I asked him if he thought he has feelings for her , he looked genuinely surprised when I asked and said, "Yes, never thought of her like that" Great. I wanted to kick myself but at least now I knew. He has seen her out of work on occasion and has told me so, that they just talk (who knows). Today I resorted to spying, he told me he was going shopping (yeah, right) so I drove by her house and sure enough the car was there. Thank god for XANAX. So here I am with my 2 kids trying to keep it together and not freak out. Any support right now would be great, I really still love this man (cant believe it)and want it to work but this is realllllllly helllll. It almost seems like he is waiting for me to either kick him out or OW to tell him forget it. He tells me she does not want to be the OW (isnt it a little too late for that??)help- thanks

Hi Stillhopin

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through, it's certainly very hard, and you probably feel like you just got a big punch in the stomach, and heart.

You had some suspicions, and you followed through, and it would look like any outsider that your H is in an affair. I wouldn't believe to much of what he said at this point.

I noticed you posted on Plan A/B and I think that your post may be better answered in General Questions or Just Found Out.

Read up on WATS guide. Keep reading here and learning, you will get through this if you do it right!

She doesn't want to be the OW? What does she want to be? His WIFE? Sorry, position already taken!

You'll be ok, I know it's hard to believe, but I just found out in July and although I got the 'I'll be filing for divorce soon' email this week, I know I'll be alright whichever way this goes. It DOES get better, and you have a better chance because he is still living with you and home.

Others will give you alot better advise I'm sure, I had a different kind of situation in my life. Bringing the affair to the light of day seems the first thing on the agenda, when you have the info you need to support it.

Good luck and keep posting!

Shepette

Dear Sheppett,

Thanks alot for the support, it sure is hell. He just got home a little while ago and admitted to being at her house for a while. Whatever. He tells me he does not want to leave the kids and says that maybe given time it will work between us, he is still upset over everything. Whatever. I know that I will be ok no matter what happens, I have great support from friends and family. I know I am still in the very early stages of this plan A, I am trying to be the "good wife" but today just took me back about 100 paces. I was on such a good roll all week, well I guess this is to be expected. I am sorry to hear about your Divorce E-mail, who knows? I think that once you realize that you will be ok no matter, it is easier. I have never read the bible so much in my life, it definetley helps. Thanks again for your post, I wish you luck and happiness.