I recently discovered an affair my husband of 4 1/2 years was having - he claimed to be in love and left, but within two weeks wanted to come home, claiming he had made a mistake and missed me and our two children (ages 1 and 3) - he confessed to having an affair a year ago while I was pregnant with our youngest (I had suspected but ignored signs) and two and a half years ago we separated because of a one night stand he had which was discovered - while dating he ran around numerous times, but I got past all of those, discounting the many flings because he was in a band and women were readily available. He is no longer in a steady band, and seems to want to work on things but I feel at my limit for trying to work on this relationship - I do think I owe it to my family to try, but I can't trust him - I think he still hears from the most recent girlfriend, and have no idea if he responds or not - they work for the same company although they have to go out of their way to run into each other - I'm feeling like telling him to leave because feeling upset and depressed all the time will just drive him back to her, but I can't pretend that nothing's happened - any comments/suggestions are welcome

First I'd like to say welcome, welcome welcome.<P>Secondly in reponse to your post, it's obvious why you don't trust him. He's hurt you over and over again. You really want to sit down and think about what's best for you and your children right now. Now if you want to work on this marriage, that's up to you. Only you can decide when you've had enough. No matter what you decide, we will be here for you. It's going to be a long and hard road whether or not you stay or go. You might want to read about plan A and plan B in this site and decide which is best for you at this point. Do you think he's actually sincere this time? Stay encouraged and be strong!<P>Finally, please post again. The people here are wonderful. You can learn alot here and I 'm sure there's a lot you can teach us. <BR><P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>

Welcome <B>strong/weak/heart</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>You've found the best place on earth...<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A>.<P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial! As a betrayed you need to start immediately on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A>.<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on...<P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>You're probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <B>We</B> do not always agree with each other on how to handle situations... but each of us is offering to you advice base on individual experiences. Search out those people on the forum that have experiences similar to yours... and ask... ask... ask! <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

S/W/H,<P>Welcome. This place helped save my life, and gave me hope.<P>A few questions.<P>What is H willing to do?<P>What are you willing to do?<P>I am willing to do anything. I have spent $500.00 at amazon trying to learn about all of this.<P>Dr. Harleys books are my number one suggestion.<P>Find a councelor that follows these principles. Or use Steve Harley's services. You can find him on this site. I talked to him today. He really knows about this stuff. <P>Keep posting... reading...replying<P><BR>"commit to the Lord what ever you do, and your plans will succeed" Proverbs16:3<P>Bill<P><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>