I've been separated from WH for 5 months. He is supposed to be filing papers. I hear that OW is now also separating for her husband, so it appears things are shaping up for him. Here is a copy of the email I was going to send him. Should I??

Good morning,
I hope your day is going well.
The boys and I still miss you terribly, and I need to ask you about some things. For one, our taxes. We need to file our return, and we should get together to do this. Do you still want "Ann" to do this? Let me know and I will contact her.
Secondly, I promised I would love you forever, and I feel that I will even through all of this. I am deeply hurt, but I still love you. I hate it, but I do. I've tried not to even, but I do. I don't even know why I do because I've hurt so much and cried so many tears over this. Five months later, unfortunately, I still ain't out of tears. Go figure. I suppose that is unfortunate in my case since you have chosen another path. I have tried to move on, and I'm doing ok, but I can't get over loving you. I'm not asking you to come back to me because I want you to be happy, and you've made it clear I am not what makes you happy. Someone else has taken that role. So, as much as I hate to ask this question, I would like to know what the progress is on the divorce. I haven't heard anything from you about that since December. I feel that I am still married, and I don't want to be like my mother hanging on to something that will never be mine again. (My mother has been separated from my father a number of years) I wasn't going to ask about it, hoping by some miracle you had had a change of heart. But from what I hear, things are shaping up for you in your new situation, so I will regretfully, hurtfully, but gracefully step aside with as minimal conflict as possible.
If possible, please just reply to this message. I don't think I could go through talking to you about it.

Thanks.
Love,
Kim

Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks.

I should add here that I have been in Plan B--I haven't discussed anything with him as far as trying to get back together since October/Nov. I have basically not spoken to him except to give him info about the boys and for him to file papers.

I've never really been persistent here before, but I'd really really like an opinion. Please, if possible, someone post an opinion here. I have this email sitting on my desktop, ready to hit send. Thanks!

Sorry to hear Plan B hasn't worked for you.

I think your e-mail is very heartfelt.

My only concern is you -- are you ready to hear what he says in reply? Are you ready to accept it if he says he's filing and moving on? Is this about closure? Or about wanting him to somehow show kindness and love?

What are your expectations from this?

Thanks for your opinion Lexxy. I don't really know why I wanted to email him this. I had heard that the OW had gotten a separation from her husband, so I suppose my idea of how he had done all of this and she wasn't going to leave her husband was just a dream I had. I suppose I figured we'd get back together once he realized OW wasn't leaving H. Now, though, maybe they are going to go through with this. They had an EA for 2 years, now a PA since this summer. I wish I had been stronger a long time ago, but I NEVER was going to be divorced, so I put up with a lot of Emotional Abuse, I suppose.

I've had invitations out by guys in the past 5 months since I've been separated from him, even been talking to one on the phone that went to school with us and graduated with my H. (In fact, he said he would have laid money on my & H's marriage working & was shocked to hear we had split). He is very nice, but I can't move on without getting a divorce. My morals won't let me. I can't give myself to someone else emotionally (let alone physically) while I'm still legally married. So, I suppose, while I'd have loved to hear him say he wanted me back, I'm looking for closure. I need a time frame to see when this will all end, being in limbo.

I sent it, and he replied, by the way. He nicely said that he was working on the settlement so that we'd only have to do this once (I don't know what that meant, but I plan to have my own lawyer look it over), and that he had everything put in there that we had previously agreed to plus a few things such as visitation, etc. He said he had his tax return stuff ready to take to the accountant. Said that I should get a draft of the papers shortly, and if we agreed, then we could set up a time to go sign. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> He did not say anything about my professions of love, only said he hoped my grandmother (who had triple bypass surg last month) was doing better. Then said he'd call our boys tonight to get them to watch fear factor on tv. I was sorry that he didn't acknowledge my feelings, but what can I expect? People who knew him before can't believe how much he's changed, and a lot don't even like him anymore, but I still see that boy I fell in love with. When do I get over that???

Sorry this got to be so long. Thanks again for opinions.

so sorry.

I imagine that trying to comfort you or acknowledge your pain makes it too uncomfortable for him -- and he's still in a very selfish place.

It aint over til its over -- and I can understand you wanting some idea of his plans and directions.

I'm personally glad that you have some self-esteem boosts with these other guys -- but your boundries sound reasonable.

At least you know he read what you had to say. Its rattling around in his head now, even if he didn't respond to it.

Thanks Lexxy, for the support. I'm so sad about all of this. Actually, I don't really want him back the way he was the past 2 years. I want the other guy back. But I'm afraid he's gone for good. Also, he's all I've ever known, and I'm scared about what's out there. Sure, it's nice to know that I'm desireable to some nice men, but I'm scared to death right now. I don't think I could be any good to anyone, ever.
Well, I suppose I"m just having a down day. I had had some good ones, but today is getting me. This board has been so good for me, even though I hadn't posted in a while. Thanks again for support

I should add here that I have been in Plan B--
Did you send him a Plan B letter?

I have basically not spoken to him except to give him info about the boys and for him to file papers.
Do you want a divorce? Why are you asking hin to file?