I've only been Plan A'ing for a month now ... not even consciously because I only recently became aware of MB. But I'm afraid I will soon fall completely out of love with my WW, so am considering Plan B.

Yet I'm considering asking her to leave instead of leaving myself. She only works part time -with the OM.

She has a few options re: places to stay should I ask her to leave, so I'm not really concerned about that. But how do I do it? Do I warn her first? Or just tell her she needs to go and pack her things?

I'm at this point because she doesn't want to leave her job and thinks by working on her thinking, it'll be ok for her to still deal with OM daily through what I'll call "work-related casual contact".

Am I wrong to be thinking this way?

Zaed

<small>[ February 10, 2003, 06:36 PM: Message edited by: Zaed ]</small>

No you are not wrong in thinking the way you do.

There can be no marital recovery until there is absolutely, positively no more contact with OM EVER. It's not only to break her addiction for OM, but also as one of her first signs of serious willingness towards rebuilding the M.

As far as how you do it, writte her a plan B letter. In the Harley book 'Surviving An Affair' there is a sample plan B letter that you can change to make it more customized.

Good luck.

You need to do Plan A and understand exactly what it is and why you are doing it. You should probably continue in Plan A for at least another 3 months.

I'm patiently waiting for my copy of "Survivng an Affair". I understand it goes into this in more detail.

I'm not even sure what I should be doing ... I guess Plan A is the right thing. My WW ended the A as soon as I found out, but still works with OM. I would consider their contact to be work-related or casual ("Hello") at worst. But it kills me every day to watch her leave for work. Can it possibly work like this?

How do I continue Plan A when it gets to me so badly? Do I just have to suck it up? We did have a discussion yesterday about her work and contact with OM and I told her how it made me feel. She thinks she can get over OM without 100% NC. Even if she's right, I feel like at the least she's really dragging out both of our sufferings and delaying any real progress in our relationship.

And what I'm really afraid of is falling out of love with WW. She says she knows I'm good for her, that she married the right man, but from previous conversations I know I completely depleted my account with her ... although she tells me she loves me still. But knowing she sees OM and may briefly speak to him every day is making small but continuous withdrawals from my bank.

Anyway, any suggestions on sucking it up? Another small issue is that she realizes what I'm doing and doesn't like the fact that I'm trying to hide my pain and anger from her. Any ideas on that one?

thanks!

THe book is great as it puts everything right there. Most everything in the book is on this site but you may have to hunt around a bit.

A good place to start is read the Basic Concepts

Here is Plan A & Plan B

Stay in plan A, The part time Job must go, she can get another one. What is more important to her that is the question. If it was full time and critical to the income for the house etc. then taht is different. My guess she is keeping it so she can still see him and have him as back-up in case things go sour at home. You must make sure she has no contact. Others will give better advice then I will just read everything you can on this site. click the emotional needs button on the left hand side.

Good Luck
Toyman