This is my first time writing the e-mail, since I really need some advice and help from anyone out there.
My husband and I have been married for 10 years, we have two children, 6 and 4. I discovered my husband had affair with his co-worker around Sep 2001, it has been going on since.
First he told me, they were just friends. This girl has a boyfriend whom they live together now. The girl always talks to my husband when she and her boyfriend had problem. Gradually my husband want to go to office during weekend and come home later around mid-night during work day. I knew there must be something going on with them. I found some evidence, his phone bill, his credit card bill. I have talked to my husband lots of times about this. He always deny the relationship with her.
Last year around spring time was the worst time, almost everyday he came home late, every weekend he went out to 'work', and he asked me several times if he can move out. He said there are lots of problems between us, he doesn't feel the same way as he felt about me before. He doesn't know if he still loves me that much. The only thing he need is if I let him move out, give him some space. If he think he wants to come back in the future to work on our relationship, he will do that then. But for now, he don't know if our relationship will improve.
He is 40 years old now, the girl is 28 years old. The girl told my husband she wants to get married, however she doesn't to whom, she doesn't know if her boyfriend is the one for her.
However I didn't let him move out. I was afraid that if he moves out he will never come back to us. I told him if he moves out, he is not at home, how can we improve our relationship, and he will most likely be with that girl if he moves out which I think I cannot accept. But the real truth he told to his best friend, and his friend told me is that he asked girl he wants to move out with her, the girl told him she didn't want to break up our family, so she didn't want to see he moves out. Also she knows about two kids, which she didn't like to take responsible for. So my husband didn't move out.
I was trying very hard on everything to improve our relationship. I can see some improvements from my husband, he didn't go to work during weekend that much, he didn't stay work that later. Even though I found out he still calls her and she calls him sometime. (I can not tell if there is anything happened during work time)
One thing is that when the girl's boyfriend out on business trip, the girl always calls my husband out, then he will say he is busy with his project, he has to work later and has to do overtime during weekend. This happened once last October for about three weeks. And last Friday 2/7, he was out again with the girl which I found out that the girl's boyfriend was out again.
I talked to my husband, asking him why he was out with that girl again. He asked me to give him some room, some space. He said even though he think our relationship has some improvements since last year, he still think our relationship was not so good. The only reason he is staying with us now is because he thinks the two kids are too young. Eventually he will leave us if the kids grown up and he will see how our relationship goes.
I don't know what should I do right now. I felt I'm very tired after all my efforts and trying work out since this affair happened. Now my husband still don't want to break up with the girl, and he want me to give him some space. Should I give him this space he wants, and wait until some day he comes back to us?
The other thing I'm thinking is to talk to the girl this Friday 2/14, tell her that she is breaking our family, ask her to leave us alone. Tell her that she needs to take the consequences if she continues having affair with my husband. I'm not sure if this is a good approach for me?
Could anyone out there has some opinion for me?
Please give me some advise and help ASAP.
Thanks
