W of 22 yrs. told me 2 mos. ago she wants a divorce, she is all over the place, one day nice, one day hostile. She is still in the house, but sees OM
daily.Her moods shift with if she has seen him, or if she has been slighted by our adult children, or if I ask a question she can assume is about"something else". I never know if she will accept my conversation as I mean it, or look for another meaning, that I don't intend. I never know what to expect from her. She is in denial about any blame in our marriage. She quickly accepts some blame, nothing specific, then points out specifics about what I did wrong. She still drags up years old arguments to fight about. W will not let go of wrongs from the past, and is constantly assuming what I think, or how I feel. I just want to keep an even tempermant to see if we have any progress. Sometimes there are a couple of days when there is some. I do not want to be a source for fighting, but I am wrong or okay to her, depending on how she feels, not what I do. Her mood swings are a very chaotic thing to deal with. She says she has anger, but will not do anything about it(counselling). A kind sweet woman turns into a mean spirited hurtful person, at any time. What do I do?

Domino
Keep working on yourself and don't give up. Your W is showing all of the signs on being in an EA. The problem with EA's is that the fantasy world your WS imagines she will have with an OM is nothing like the reality you (or anyone else for that matter can match). Eventually her feet will connect with the ground and you can be there for her if you prepare. Keep up with Plan A and if necessary go to Plan B. You will know when the time is right.
Keep posting here. Live one day at a time and try to see the positive things in this experience.
If you need support or to vent then post on the MB site. General Questions II is usually the best place to get a quick response.

NS
To move forwards, sometimes you have to take a step back

Domino
Lets just add that your best course of action when WS says she wants a divorce is to say "OK if that's what you want, I won't stand in your way. But I don't want one". Try not to plead with her just act as if you are getting on with your life which you will with or without her, but as you are posting on the MB site you want it to be with her.
Look up information on radical 180 approach. Here are some of the tips:
1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore!
2. No frequent phone calls
3. Do not point out good points in marriage
4. Do not follow him around the house
5. Do not encourage talk about the future
10. Do not spy on spouse
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his whereabouts, ASK NOTHING
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him someone he would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while)
21. Never lose your cool
22. Don't be overly enthusiastic
23. Do not argue about how he feels (it only makes their feelings stronger)
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil)
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he is hurting and scared
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel
34. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes.

NS
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> To move forwards, sometimes you have to take a step back </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">