Ok I am in need of some suggestions. Last April I had posted on this board and got some very, very good help. My WS had an affair and went to be with her new found friend in Houston Texas and after a few short weeks, it went downhill and she got tossed out of his place and was forced, not by choice to return back to me. We tried to make a go of it and I am not so sure that she had her heart in it and for that matter, I may not have since trust was a very big factor involved. We ended up deciding to relocate and move to North Floriida where we are closer to her family.

Back during the initial separation, she had told me that she wanted to be out on her own. She never had been ever and learned just how it can be.... after we moved here, she was great for a very short time and then things deteriorated. Constant battles and generally not good. She would not lift a finger to help out with the house or cook etc. I did it all, laundry etc. You name it, I tood care of it. Now back on February 1st, we finally agreed that we separate and she can go out and see for herself just how it is outthere. I know that from what she earns and what she has in bills, she can barely be making it outthere. I had her over for dinner a few weeks ago and really screwed up and did some major LBing.... bigtime. I told her I was very sorry etc and not so sure that helped out at all.

Since she has cooled down some, we have been in contact via email and even had a short, but nice talk this morning on the phone and she has agreed to come over and talk this week. This whole mess is both of our faults. I was no angel. I never did have an affair on her and neve would. I have felt the wrath of an affair first hand and will not do that to anyone.

I asked her point blank if she thought she would ever want to return and try to make it work. Her reply was yes, but it has to be right in my heart and I don't want to even think about there being an US for at least 6 months. We are now into the fifth week and I am having an extremely hard time with this... to the point of not being able to sleep at all to making an appointment to see a doctor on Thursday to get some meds.... combine this mess with the fact that I have an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and this is all I think about 24/7... if I am lucky, I get 3 hours a night of sleep. Some nights, none at all.

I did a great deal of harm to her over the years and did not meet her needs, that I know and have admitted. Now, she wants to date other people and see if it is meant to be or not.... I am trying to accept that, but all I can think of is the worst and it is close to impossible to deal with....I know that I should be focused on me and working on the things I need to be doing to be a better person, and I am.......

I don't know if anyone else has ever gone thru this or if anyone has any thoughts that can be of help.... I basically and in a new town and don't have a soul to talk to and it is not easy..... not at all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Any thoughts, practical applications, lessons from experience etc will be MOST appreciated to say the very least.....

Thanks
Floridahog

Hmmmmm I just read the misapplication of Plan A. Interesting. When WS moved out (at this time not having affair that I know of) I did everything I could to help here including giving her a great deal of money to get her set up in her place..... moving her into her new place... offering to help her in anyway possible etc....

She knows that without fail, if she asks me to help her out, I will. I know that she is also presently seeing at least one other person... long story and don't ask ;-) So I have indeed been doing plan A and she will be coming over to talk with me about where we stand... and actually, earlier that I would have even thought she would agree to.... The strong move to a Plan B and total non contact in my opinion now prior to us meeting, may be harmful.... so do I meet with her and spills my heart felt feelings and then right to Plan B and let her she just how the real world is alone or ?????? Complications, complications <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

....she wants to date other people and see if it is meant to be or not....

I am no expert, but I am in a similar situation with my wife. I can truly imagine your feelings and I do not think anyone deserves this treatment. Yes you have done wrong, but she needs to ask herself, what contribution she has in your wrong doing. Relationships are two way streets, as far as I am concerned.

In my case I am on the verge of contemplating a divorce, but I think I still have to try a plan B. I think you should do to. I have been in plan A ever since she started seeng other people, and it has led to nowhere, as I see her pursuing other guys relentlessly. I mean, it helped me a great deal to become a guy she felt in love with years ago. I did not expect the plan A to win her back, love to me is not a competition, it is a decision. I expected her to recognize the change(which she did) and give me a chance(which she did not). But be aware, plan B should follow plan A-she needs to see the change in you. Unless there is an active affair going on, then plan B is a must. Hope it helps.
And if you need to talk or vent, this is the place. There is tons of great advice by smart people here.

floridahog,

How long is your M ? any kids ? What was her complaints about you in M and how do you show her changes ?

You could lurk at GQII & JFO also and start to post over there to make new freinds in this vitual community <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

-rh-