My H has had EA (suspect more) with more than one person, and the trail of bad behavior began about a year ago. Bad behavior includes spending tens of thousands of dollars at strip clubs, sexual massage, dating a stripper etc. I'm so hurt, angry, etc. and am having a hard time coping because I don't trust him. He travels all the time and is pretty much a free agent in that he isn't accountable to anyone for his time in-town or out-of-town as long as he meets his work goals.

So, trying Plan A but having a hard time keeping my attitude in check. It's hard to be pleasant and hard not to interrogate him. I sit here wondering how it would feel to be with someone that looked at me with adoration, and contemplate the idea of getting emotionally involved with someone else. I'm in such a lonely place right now, and no matter what my H says or does it doesn't feel authentic. We have kids, have been together 17 years. The thought of calling it quits enters my mind every day, but I want time to pass to see if this gets any easier emotionally. If it doesn't I'm definately moving on.

Help.

Betrayed2003,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. Mine is similar, My WH had a few PA's over the last 4 years and now is involved in an EA with co-worker. I know where you are coming from, thinking about revenge A. DONT DO IT> I know it seems tempting --believe me----- but it is not going to make things better, only worse. I know it is hard to face your WS everyday and I still cannot believe what mine has done and is continuing to do (that gets me more I think). Plan A is HARD but I think NECESSARY for yourself. I know that in the past 5 months I have become a better person by sticking in here and really trying. Did you just find out about EA? I know that for myself the first couple of months were absolute HELL, not that it is a whole lot better now, but my bad days are fewer. Try to hang in there, read up on this website all that you can (it is a godsend)and try to learn as much as you can about what is happening to you, "knowledge is power". Good luck and stay strong!!!

Dday-10/02-WH wants out of marriage, not happy for 4 years, we deceide to work on it.
d-day 1/03-WH says he is not "connecting" with me, I mention possible EA with co-worker, he seems genuinely surprised and agrees. Co-worker offers MY Husband her home.
2/03-WH tells me he told OW he is "not committed" to her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
We both are working on it. OW still his "friend".

betrayed2003:

Have you read though basic concept & about MB ?. If you have not done it do it so. I read about your other posts. You should give a call to MB and change your MC or at least get a conselor that follow MB principal.

To answer your question on revenge A ... it is like trying to kill a rat with poison but you eat the rat poison and hoping that rat will die. Just my 2¢. -rh-

betrayed,

I have been where you are at. I listened to MLW describe how she felt about OM (EA). How he made her feel and that she finally knew what real love was like. How her PA a couple of years earlier made her feel wanted desired and alive.

I was hurt but I was also extremely jealous. Didn't I deserve to feel love like that? I gave some thought about having an A, one to even the playing field and maybe to get a taste of what she found so fulfilling. But I didn't. True, I could have found temporary happiness in a lot of places but they would have just been diversions...better yet distractions to the real stuff.

Having an affair seemed to be an easy way out for me. I could have justified it a hundred different ways to myself. I don't think my friends would have condemned me, in fact they probably would have high-5'ed me.

Ask yourself what you really want. If you had a magic wand and could change things what would you life look like. When I asked myself that I wanted a new marriage, with MLW.

My situation is different than your's but it does get easier. It sucks a lot of the time but you get get stronger. I can't believe I have made it this long (8 months).

Keep reading and posting here. Good stuff in here.

God bless and good luck

Doug

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">To answer your question on revenge A ... it is like trying to kill a rat with poison but you eat the rat poison and hoping that rat will die. Just my 2¢. -rh-</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Great answer redhat. Why not add it to your signature line?

I guess in my case it would be drinking a triple expresso and hoping that the sleeping person next to me wakes up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ March 12, 2003, 03:03 AM: Message edited by: 2MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

2MCM, actually I stole it from dr. Phil <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> when he gave advice about anger. Beside my signature are too long already, according to Chris. Anyway I am glad you are awake and around posting to help out <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . -rh-