TheStudent, No no no, please! I do not feel like you are feeling better at my expense! I didn't mean to imply that at all.... I am just grateful that you find something in my posts that can help you in anyway! I will do my best to fix things. And if they don't get fixed, then maybe it wasn't meant to be fixed! But I do thank you for your support... it means so much to me!<P>inamess, Thank you for your prayers! They are much needed and appreciated! Yes, I know you want to say things that might disagree with others here, but hey! I had that problem when I started in here.... and even now I am sure that there are some that don't understand what I am going through. I wonder if I were in their shoes, being the one who was betrayed instead of being the betrayer what I might think? I do think that it is a good thing to see both sides of an affair. It helps the betrayed to understand just what drives a person to betray. It doesn't make the pain any less, but it does open ones eyes! I am so glad that things changed for your H when you had your problem. I have always been one to believe that things happen for a reason. Still trying to figure out what the reason is for my affair... Sigh..... Thanks for your concern. I will keep you posted.

Lacee,<P>Reading some of your posts, makes me think alot of myself. I don't think I was as bad as your husband, but I too was emotionally and verbally abusive towards my wife. I wish she would have come to me and told me how I was behaving and the effects that it had on her. I know alot of ladies here won't believe this, but emotional and verbal abusive husbands don't realize the damage that they are causing, they many times do not realize that they are being abusive, they feel justified in their outbursts because of something that you did to them, real or imagined. My W's affair was a huge wake-up call, it made me look, really look at my past behavior. I still feel justified in the anger that I felt in the past, but I now realize that I should have handled my anger in a more appropriate manner, a way in which I could have expressed this anger without dehumanizing my wife. I don't know your husband, but I would bet my last dollar that he loves you immensely, he like me, just didn't show it like he should. Instead of telling him about his behavior and then waiting for a change, maybe you should make some demands(I know it's LoveBusting)such as getting counseling, both individual and marital, or you will leave him, and be ready to back it up, even if you only seperate for a short period of time, I believe it would be a huge wake-up call. I only wish that my wife would have done that to me rather than have an affair.

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FA, I think perhaps you are right about the opposite spouse not realizing they are being as abusive as they are, men and women alike. They just don't realize how much effect it has on their spouse! Yes you are right that he loves me. (Glad you didnt lose your last dollar!) At least I believe that he loves me, because there are so many ways that he shows it, believe it or not. I spend so much time venting that I often don't tell of his good points. It is just that he is so back and forth! I have such a hard time with the mood swings. We can go from good to bad instantly at times. Yes, maybe I should consider making the demands at this time. Otherwise, things will never change, that is pretty obvious since I have tried talking till I'm blue in the face! We did get to a point where I thought that separation would be the best thing for a while. When I even mentioned it to him, he told me if I leave, or make him leave, we will NEVER get back. To him, it is the same as being divorced. I feel trapped sometimes... I do love him and want things to work out. I am just confused and frustrated right now.. Thank you so much for sharing what you went through. I guess I overlooked the fact that he sometimes just doesn't realize what he is doing is so hurtful... it is just natural to him. I will try talking to him again...