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#465291 03/20/03 02:59 PM
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I do believe some days I am losing my mind. I stand by the person I love while they go away every other weekend to be with someone else...I am not sure why I am doing this and I am waiting for it all to end. For some reason I believe in the fact that we have always had such a strong relationship and we are perfect for each other, she continues to tell me we will have our future and we will grow old together and yet she goes off to spend time with someone else. I do believe it is a "fling" but never in a million years would I have thought that this would be happening to us. I know it is because we became too comfortable with each other and let important things fall to the side but i am not sure what to do during this difficult time, I cannot, or should I say, do not, want to leave. I want to get back to us and working on what we both want, a future together. I guess I am doing Plan A right now and I have a timeline set up in my own head, but I am having such a hard time seeing her leave on weekends and knowing what she is doing and that being okay with her. She has never been selfish until now...and I believe a lot of this has happened because of a traumatic event in her life that happened around the same time she started talking to this person. This person happens to be someone she has had a crush on for the past 12 years who had no interest in her prior to her losing 50 pounds, once she lost the weight and this other person was cheated on and left their relationship then she was good enough to be with. The whole thing frustrates me and my feelings are hurt...and my self esteem has been through the ringer...I am not sure if I am doing the right thing even though I know where I want to be, I am scared that I will wait for something that may not happen...Advice would be great..I guess I should say that we are still together and we are still intimate...and we actually make more time for each other now then prior to this happening so I am still getting something out of my relationship and when she is home and with me I am really happy with her...but then she goes..what am I doing, am I crazy???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

#465292 03/20/03 10:20 PM
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I can sympathize with your situation some, as you can see from my signature, my WH is a trucker and that means GONE ALOT!!!! We get maybe 2 days a week together when he is physically home. VERY hard to work on a relationship long distance. I am fortunate right now though, in that I know for CERTAIN that it is OVER!!! The OW left HIM for another guy and now he admits (somewhat reluctantly) that the OW was just using him to get past her 2nd divorce.

You said your spouse is gone on the weekends but didn't really say what it is that takes her away. Is she going to work and is this person at her place of employment?

Not to sound harsh...but WHY are you letting her DO this to you?? You said that you are doing Plan "A" but that involves NO CONTACT of the WS with the OP. You say that she is leaving to go be with this person, so that must mean that she has not decided to give up her lover.

I would get the books that are highly recommended on this site...Surviving an Affair, His Needs/Her Needs and the other Harley books too. I bought the first 2 and have read both at least 2 times in the last 3 weeks. They are very good. Also, another one that I read was by Dr. James Dobson, Love Must Be Tough. Found it very informative. Torn Asunder is also recommended by others on this site, but I haven't had a chance to get a copy of that one personally and our local library does not have it.

Know that you are not alone, come to this site often and vent to us. I have found alot of support, just reading the other posts. Good luck.

#465293 03/20/03 10:35 PM
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The problem is that YOU are enabling her to continue this affair by not letting her see the consequences of her inappropriate behaviour. There is NO INCENTIVE
for her to change. My advice is to speak to Dr.Harley and get advice on how to deal with your situation. My guess would be that he will advise you to go to PLan B. It is obvious that plan A is not working if she is continuing her affair without any consideration to your feelings.

#465294 03/20/03 10:57 PM
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I am amazed at how close our two stories are. My husband is working in Oklahoma City and met someone down there. After one weekend with her he "loves" her and wanted a divorce. But, as time is going on he is stalling and told me he still loves me...but, I think addicted to her. He doesn't trust us. My whole story is your story exactly. He goes back and forth and when he is down there he sees her. I am heart broken and waiting although all of my family and friends say dump him. I too feel crazy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

#465295 03/20/03 11:00 PM
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oops I forgot to mention, we are not being intimate as you are. I also told him I do not want to see or talk to him. I am following the book "Surving An Affair" Thats what he told "Jon" to do. cut them off so they miss you. But, they won't at first. But again, I too am very sad and confused and can't believe he will ever come back.

#465296 03/20/03 11:02 PM
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another oops....I forgot to mention, that my husbands "new soulmate" has been married 3 times before. I guess I should post my own story and get advise. I think the guy has lost his mind.

#465297 03/21/03 12:59 AM
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Patientlywaiting, you might want to read MortarMan's post over at luki's thread titled I'm at that point.

#465298 03/22/03 08:18 AM
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I am new to all of this so I am not sure if I am replying the way I should so please excuse my mistakes if I make them...I hold on to the fact that this affair is temporary..I am not sure why it happened, although I have ideas...and yes I know I am not making her miss me, but i am not ready to move away yet..She leaves this weekend to go away overnight..I am actually holding on to the hope that when she says this will be over really soon that she means it...And maybe I am wrong but I believe her..I see things changing within the dynamics of that relationship already. I also know how much she loves me, although I know this is NOT the way you show someone you love them...In the book I understand that Plan A says no contact with the other person but Sue still had contact with her lover and the husband still waited the period of time set in Plan A, knowing she did not give the other person up... So I compare it to that..It is very painful to see her go and she is going every other weekend...I believe in my heart it will all be over but as I told her I can only take so much and I will continue to move further and further away with every night she is away from me with someone else. As I mentioned before this is someone who was actually a mutual friend and is in our circle of friends...who only became interested in my significant other when she lost weight and she was vulnerable due to a situation involving her father. I guess I am just so pissed off because this person also knew that my significant other has never been happier in her life and never more commited and then they come around and prey on a old crush that was still there...Not taking any responsibility away from my significant other because she had her part in all of this too for allowing it to happen but I know she would have never actively pursued anyone outside of our relationship, she was the one who was actively pursued and she was particularly vunerable and this slimeball took full advantage of that...I really want this to work out and I believe in our relationship and us together as a couple...It is just hard to not get more angry as everyday goes by and this person is still a part of our life...I believe she will be over all of this very soon, and she says the same thing...she knows I am not playing around and I will not wait forever...I have my own timeline set and I really plan on sticking by it...please keep me in your prayers, i need all the strength I can get....

#465299 03/22/03 04:37 PM
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Hey man,

I can feel your pain, but you need to get a backbone and go to plan b. Why should she change when she gets her cake and eats it too. You need to give her a choice you or him, if she says him then give her no contact letter. Better deal with this now or she will do it to you again and again. Anyway read everything on this site and listen to as many people as possible then do what is best for you. You can throw my advice out if you feel like it as I am not a pro. Maybe call and talk to the Doctor.

Good luck

I am getting divorced wife not in love anymore. It sucks but believe me you do start to get over it.

Go to the gym and work out I do it 5 times a week and it does wonders for your stress plus you confidence will go up when you start getting buffed. dress everyday well and if you see her be happy. do not be pathetic and never ask her about the marriage. Let her start thinking that maybe you are getting over her. go to marriagebusters.com and read that as well.

good luck man and if it ends, remember that you are a worthy person and you will be ok

toyman

#465300 03/23/03 09:09 AM
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Thank you Toyman...I am not ready to leave and if I do I know I will regret it..so I feel like at least right now I need to wait it out a bit..As stupid as that may sound it is the way I feel. thank you for reminding me that I am worthy, it is sometimes hard to feel that way with all of this going on. She is coming home today, earlier then usual so she can come home before going out to a work function..which I though was a good thing...although it is DEFINITELY not enough, it is a start...I just need it all to be over...I am so tired and I am getting angry and I don't like that feeling at all...I know I will move forward when I am ready, even if that means making myself ready...I am not as depressed as I was although I am still very much thinking of myself and why this had to happen..I am so unsure of everything and I know I want to get through this...and have us end up where we both belong...together...she and I know that it is just getting there that is killing me..and the other thing is that I believe she has real commitment issues due to her childhood and the instability of her family..I just wish I would have figured this out years ago...then maybe I could have done something before it got to this...who knows...

#465301 03/23/03 02:57 PM
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I find your post very very sad. There is an old saying which states: No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. She tells you it will be over soon so you just supposed to accept the fact that she leave on the weekends to go have sex with her lover and accept her time table. Do you honestly think she would accept this if the roles were reversed and you told her to hang tight while you leave on the weekends to have sex with you lover.
Clearly at this stage she has no respect for you or your marriage. She is what we call a cakewoman.
How wonderful for her that she can go out and screw her lover not even behind your back and she knows that she can come home to a loving husband who will accept anything and everything no matter how much the disrespect and humiliation is involved.
I am afraid that your attitude is enabling her to continue her sexual affair because she knows you will not stand up for yourself or your marriage.
It is hard to imagine that she could have respect for a husband that would allow her to walk all over you and tell you she is going off to be with her lover and know that you will be a sweet puppy dog about it. A major problem that I see is that probably she will get bored with the affair down the line. In the future now that she has enjoyed sex with a different man; she will simply continue this behavior sometime again in the future because she knows she can get away with it and there are no consequences to her actions.

I cannot imagine how you can be intimate
(if she even allows you) with her. It seems like you have allowed her to emasculate you and having you bury your head in the ground hoping it will end eventually will not work. You do need to get a backbone like a previous poster said. I do not know if you have a child but would you if you did have a son want him to grow up and be such a doormat to his wife who enjoys having sex with another good male friend? In short, your wife will never respect you as a man and a husband if you do not respect youself enough to stop this madness that enables your wife to continue have sex with another man. Why do you wish to be perceived as so weak by your wife? If your wife knew that she could lose everything she would think twice.
The fact that you give tacit consent to her having sex with her lover makes you look like a very sad and weak man in your wife's eyes. I am trying to give you some tough love here. Again ask yourself how your wife could possibly respect you looking through her eyes. I wish you luck.

#465302 03/23/03 03:27 PM
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I don't believe this pattern can be effectively addressed on a bb; there are individual issues which require professional intervention, imvho.

pw, please seek help to unravel the choices you have made. I think you are in a difficult situation at best, and professional cousel will likely yield results regardless.

Also, patiently, please, please, use paragraphs.

<small>[ March 23, 2003, 03:30 PM: Message edited by: Family Man ]</small>

#465303 03/24/03 09:17 AM
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Although I appreciate the responses, i do not agree to the fact that I am a doormat.
I guess I first have to say that we are not married yet and we have always had a very strong relationship up to this point. I also believe that the reason why this choice was made was because I said to go and work through these feelings for this other person, i know that relationship will not amount to anything.

I do respect myself,I am not going to say i do not falter and feel like I am making a BIG mistake by allowing this to happen while I stand by her side, but I also know how strong we have always been, I have almost 6 years invested in this and I believe I was meant to be with this person for the rest of my life..I do not believe there is a strong emotional attachment to this other person, and I know it is just a phase.

I also know that after this situation ends,and it will end, we will go to counseling and work out her commitment issues since she has never had stability in her life aside from me, I believe subconsciously this is a test...
We communicate very well and she understands this is hurting me, I am sure that she is being disrespectful to my feelings right now and I am not excusing her behavior but I am also NOT letting her walk all over me, I told her to go and do this and get through this...
Am I stupid for doing that, probably..but in my eyes it was either that or do what most couples do and break up only to get back together..or to wind up hating each other...I have always had nothing but love in my heart for her...And when I look down the road I see her as my future, us growing old together...i know she see's the same thing..I have told her that she needs to start backing up her words with actions and I believe that in some ways she is changing...Maye not as quickly as i would like but i can only control what it is that I do..
Whatever this is..in my heart of hearts I know it is a test to me...I also know that I will not keep going on if I feel like I am losing my self respect or myself in all of this. I have been very honest with her in letting her know that I am not going to allow this to go on indefinitely and she is risking her entire future for a momentary thing...She understands that and knows that if I have to I will leave and never come back..I also know at this point I would not be comfortable with that situation, and I am not ready to leave. I created part of this situation, not saying i deserve any of it but I do deserve it to myself to do what is in my heart and if that means not leaving because the timing is not right at this point then I will not leave until I am ready to do so. It may come to that but I pray to God that it will all end and we will begin to heal WAY before that happens.
So I appreciate the responses but I do not see it the same way, and i am not in denial..If anything I am seeing things more clearly then I have ever before.

#465304 03/24/03 10:16 AM
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Dear Patiently waiting,

I understand where you are coming from completely. I found out only a few days ago and I can kick myself in the leg for also letting it go there. My H and I have not been talking to each other for years. Partly because we have been so many criseses. His father went bankrupt, I got a terrible depression, the new company he worked for sucked, His mother turned out to be a gambler and brought my H´s whole family´s economical situation down. His father went bankrupt again because of that. Then my H starts his own company. That goes bankrupt after 2 years. Now he is trying to build it all back up again.

In between all of this we have had 3 children and moved house 4 times. Funnily enough we are moving again in the midst of this nightmare. I have stuck by my H through all of this and he has stuck by me. But we forgot to talk. All the stress and the failure got bottled up. I did not dare tell him how I REALLY felt in fear of him feeling that I was not being supportive. He did not dare to talk to me about his feelings because he was afraid that I might leave him.

All of these are thoughts we have had in our heads. And we have been SOOOO STUPID in not talking and being open, because deep down I think we have always wanted the same thing.

We are 7 years down the road and we haven´t communicated with each other for at least 5 of them.(Sounds like you have more to build on than we do) We have not taken care of each others EN. A few months ago I thought I actually did not have feelings for him anymore. I was numb. I felt like everything was all about HIS needs. Need for Sex, Need for admiration. Guess whether I gave any of those things to him. No! I was so dissappointed because he was not going to go out of his way to fulfill mine. So it was easier to let him be. Give him space to pursue his career and own interests without nagging or being a drag. Turns out he may have felt I really did not care.

But it was out of Love I let him be because I also felt he had been under so much pressure and stress. The worst thing is he has NEVER reacted to any of the things we/he have been through. He just kept on going.

And now there is the OW.

Plan A is supposed to be about him having no contact with the OW. I cannot demand that of him right now. Why? Because we have so many love busters that if I was to tell him to stop, he would have trouble seeing who it is that is standing here. He has no other reason than the kids to not run. He might even stop it for the kids, but if I think I know him - he won´t. -besides he is in love! He cannot be rational!

I love my H and in my heart I feel that I should not punish him by turning my back to him. That maybe he really needs to FEEL I love him, support him. Fulfill all those EN I have failed to fulfill in my own state of disappointment.

I found out about the A a week ago. Last weekend we had the most amazing sex ever. And I mean EVER! It felt good and it felt sad. It felt hurtful because I knew there was the OW. BUT He STILL desires me and I desire him. That must be a good sign? I keep telling my self that it HAS to be a good sign. So why not do the things that are good, loving , caring? Things that deposit love so we may find each other again? Sex is just one of those deposits and I have to start filling his bank/ our bank with it.

It took me the discovery of an A to find my feelings again. They were not lost like I thought, but are stronger than ever. (I may also be deceiving myself I truly cannot tell). I want to fight back. And the only way I can do it is with love. My heart tells me to fight the distrust, disrespect, betrayal all the bad with good, with love.

Maybe I am wrong, but I feel that if I start putting demands now, he will not see me for who I am. The woman he once fell in love with. The woman that has also changed; being stronger and more mature. The woman who is the mother of his children.

Plan A for me is to make him really feel that I love him no matter what. I do Love him. It really hurts that the OW is there, but I have to deal with it. My H is trying to make a choice. Her or me. Right now "she" has made more love deposits in his love bank than me. "Our" bank is on minus. I have to make up for that. Someone has to and he can´t! I have been the "wife that was not really there" for a long time. Now I need to make the effort.

I don´t know whether it is right or wrong. It´s just the very best I can do. I don´t want to make a mistake, make the wrong move. Because I believe we can make it work. But he has to WANT to. And I have to help him WANT to.

Does this make ANY sense?

-queen of a broken heart-

So you are not alone in what you are doing. Maybe we will succeed, maybe we won´t.

-queen-

#465305 03/25/03 12:04 AM
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I'm sorry, but in your posts, you sound like a defeated person. I know it is not nice to hear, but sometimes a lucid look at oneself is tough to do.

BryanP is a good person to listen to. His advice is usually spot-on.

Anyway, how does this work? On the weekend where she leaves to have sex with him, do you say "have a good time?" "Will you miss me?" Does she give you a kiss and say "I love you, see you Sunday night after my fun weekend!"

What, exactly, is in the look in her eyes? Can she actually look you in the eyes, knowing that she is killing you inside? What kind of a person can do that? Can you look her in the eyes?

The structure of your relationship has been ruined. And you are not acting to rebuild it, by placing limits on it, by educating her as to how disgusting her behavior is. I agree with others, that she now views you as her "little boyfriend", that she can come back to after she has had her fun with a "real man".

Sorry for tone of this post, but what you have going is not working.

Good luck.

#465306 03/24/03 03:06 PM
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Ok Patiently,

Let's get this thing straightened out a bit. You have gotten some good advice but you are missing what Plan A and B are about. Plan A is a short term exercise in doing several things. Introspection for yourself to see where you have failed in the relationship and then change those failings. It also shows the WS that you can and will change. The next part of plan A is to remove the Love Busters, LB's, that often drive a wedge between two people in a relationship. Next, it is to see if this change will cause the WS to look at you with new eyes and leave the affair. Finally, it is to lay the ground work so that when the affair ends the WS feels safe to come home.

Sounds great doesn't it? It even works sometimes, I mean completely works. But, most times it doesn't completely work,and the part that doesn't work is often the WS leaving the OP and ending the affair. Dr. Harley knew that and he knew the cost emotionally to the BS when using plan A. THat is why it is to be used for only a short time. The BS is required to put their NEEDS on the back burner while doing their best to meet those of the WS. If this goes on too long the TAKER in the BS gains control and most often all is lost.

So plan B has a purpose. It is supposed to be done while the BS has a lot of love left for the WS, not when you feel you are running out of patience or gas. I'll explain why in a minute. It is help preserve your love for your WS, while waiting for the affair to end. It must end before the relationship has a chance to repair. This plan lets you go longer and deeper with regard to the affair.

The reason you want to do this NOW, is because if the affair does end, but you are out of gas, you won't successfully complete the recovery. You see you will have to do most of the heavy lifting when the affair ends. She will go through withdrawal, self-evaluation, and THEN she might try to address the issues of your relationship. THis takes lots of horsepower on your part. You won't have it if you don't go to plan B.

So you know why they are called plan A and B. A you do first and B follows as it must. You need to be in this for the long haul. You don't want a marriage based on sympathy, or your W feeling that she can do this again. You should go to Plan A/B site and read Karls post. It will turn your stomach.

You haven't said how long this has been going on,but if it has been over a month or two I strongly recommend that you consider plan B. I mean a real plan B where you have no contact until the other man is out of the picture.

But, you say, that gives him a free shot. Hello, he has a free shot. She doesn't care if this is hurting you, she doesn't care if you approve or not. She is IN LOVE with OM, not you and there is little you can do, but sit there and take it. Plan B lets you still longer because you don't take as much grief from her.

Please do the reading here, call the Harley's, and address this issue.

God Bless,

JL

#465307 03/26/03 07:24 AM
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Okay Queen of a broken Heart and Just learning, Thank you both so much for your responses...The NC just started yesterday with the OP for my significant other...It took a good friend coming in and spelling things out, I am prepared for the bumps along the road but my SO is willing to get us back on track 100%, I have been doing A LOT of reading and I read so many books on affairs and all of it, I believe we got too comfortable in our relationship and took each other for granted,the passion died down too much..I am working on those things and have been for the past two months. I am a little scared to get too happy until I know it is really over and I can begin to trust her again, that will come..we had a strong foundation and now I need to get some control back in the fact that there are certain things that need to be done, the cell phone bill needs to start coming to our house, and the email account that was used for communication purposes needs to be deleted. I also want free access to those things until I know I can trust again.
I am not sure if I am "supposed" to do these things but I do know if we are going to be stronger than before we need to get the trust back. I think the OP may try some undermining during all of this, although they said that my SO was making the right choice and wished her luck with our relationship. She also stated there should be NC at this point. As I mentioned we share the same circle of friends and work related issues make them come in contact periodically. I cannot worry about that right now...I am working on building up our love bank soooo full that she is so happy and excited about our future that this does not happen again.
I am not sure what I need to do to have it overflow but I do know she has felt supported..Part of me thinks that I should have left at least initially so that she would see that she could have lost me totally and completely..but I did not do that and so, of course, a part of me is a little nervous that she thinks that there were no real consequences to this bad behavior.
I really cannot worry about that right now because it could make me crazy...All I know is that I believe in her and I believe in us and I know that with lots of prayer and faith we can make it through this.
Queen of a Broken Heart, i will keep you and your husband in my prayers, i know how difficult it is to stand by and see it happen...you will get through it, no matter what...even if you do not see that right now..You are STRONG and you can handle ANYTHING...so hard to see when you are faced with such a challenge.
I will pray that you have peace in your heart and mind and your husband feels the love you have for him and comes home.
Just Learning,
Thank you for your words, I do appreciate them..I was beginning to think that almost everyone that read my post was being so judgemental that I was making so many mistakes, something I did not need to hear in a moment of my life when nothing was okay and my self esteem was in the toilet..It wasnice to feel some support rather then being told I was a doormat and just letting someone walk all over me.
It is very hard for me to explain the dynamics of my relationship this way and so I do not think that people got a good picture of how we are together..Be that as it may, I still came here for support and I think that some of the replies I received were a little harsh...I am all into tough love but when someone does not even know if they can make it through another day they need compassion not namecalling words that make them feel worse then they did before they reached out.
Please keep me and my SO in your prayers...we have a road ahead of us..a road I am willing to travel with her, and get back to our happy life before all of this pain entered it...


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