Well I am finally posting. I found this site 1 week after d-day and it has helped me a lot. I have been lurking in the shadows since then, but I am now at an in pass and I do not know what to do. I have been in Plan A since December.
Here is my story.
During the first 14 years of Marriage I have worked hard to get us and our family to a comfortable place. Since we have had kids, I have focused 100% on our family, but sadly I had not focused enough attention on my wife. I guess I thought that was what you did when you got married and had kids. I also grew up in a family where the kids did not have enough attention paid to them, so I did not want that for my kids!!! My parents ended up divorcing. Her parents are still together but admittedly they are not in a loving relationship (her Mom has said she settled for her Dad). She is very afraid that she will end up like them.
So as a result my Wife went elsewhere for the attention I was not giving her. I know I was wrong and I wish I could take it back but sadly I cannot. Since I recovered from the initial shock of finding out about the affair and found this site, I told my wife that I loved her and wanted to make this marriage work and showed her that I could be loving and attentive and meet her Emotional Needs. We both filled out the Questionnaire.
It took her roughly 2 1/2 months to tell the OM the she did not want any contact. It was the day before we went on the First vacation alone together without the kids in 4 years. Needless to say during the vacation, she was still in depression from telling him. So, although we had a good time she was not always with me (mentally) during our time together.
We have been in Marriage counseling since the beginning of December which has also been helpful. Our relationship has been much better since December although she has a tendency to be distant (like a robot going through the motions).
So here we are today. She dropped the bombs on me Tuesday night. She says she loves me, but is not IN LOVE WITH ME (please tell me what that really means). She also says she feels this is not going to work and "Has lost the will to try". She said she is ready to move on. I do not know what to do to respond to these.
We went to the Marriage Counselor last night and the MC said that my wife does not appear to have put her guard down long enough to make this work. The MC asked my wife to reconsider her position, think about not giving up until she feels that she has tried 110% to make this work. The MC also said that in Her opinion my wife has not done that.

Is there anyone out there who has been at this point. I realize it has been only 3.5 months since D-Day and my wife is probably still in the "Fog". But what should I do from here?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She dropped the bombs on me Tuesday night. She says she loves me, but is not IN LOVE WITH ME (please tell me what that really means). She also says she feels this is not going to work and "Has lost the will to try". She said she is ready to move on. I do not know what to do to respond to these.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have been told the CLASSIC WS line which means that she has established contact with OM and she's gone back to square one.

The worst thing you can do, if you are trying to save your M, is to beg, plead, threaten, even tell her 'I love you' or 'I've changed' because all these things will only drive her further away from you and towards her OM. The best thing you can do is to sit down and calmly show her strength in the face of your great personal pain, by VALIDATING her feelings:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"I understand and I would feel the same way if I was in your shoes. But if I was, I would like to beleive that I gave it my best efforts to save the M before I moved on. It would be tragic if I was haunted by lingering doubts later on. Do you beleive that you have given it your best to save it?."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not only did you validate her feelings but you planted the seed of doubt as to the wisdom of her decision to move on. If she has even the tiniest of doubts, this will make her think about the wisdom of your words about giving her best effort to save the M before moving on.

Remember that fourteen years of M and children born from that union, are not things that can be so easily be swept away by divorce.

WOW. You know for until last week I have feared that she would rekindle the relationship, but I didn't even think that. I have gone in the past week from focusing in my mind on the OM (only in my times alone) to focusing on our marriage and my wife and BOOM this is obvious and I did not see it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> She traveled last week and had access to him, but told me she had no contact with him. I guess I should have questioned that at least in my mind. Especially based on recent events.

I did in a way say what you mentioned in a calm way. I said I know that I am and will continue to do everything I can to make this marriage work, and before you give up on this you should be sure that you feel you have given it your all.

Thanks 2MuchCoffeeMan for opening my eyes to this and I will further re enforce the conversation I had last night with her.