He wants to talk and try to work things out, but not truly committing. I want to work things out, but feel that because of his lack of committment, my anger and resentment is festering. H has invited me to dinner and a "night" away at a very posh 5-star hotel. He has been trying to work things out and I've been patient. While we are talking a bit more, we are still arguing alot. Is this normal? He wants to see if the marriage can be worked out...but bases it on all of the problems leading up to the A. I want to meet him and discuss the same things, but I am focussing on everything that has happened since I learned of the A and subsequent behavior on both ends. Is there a happy medium? Can we truly put this together? What could I do to control my anger when we discuss these very sensitive issues? (I'm scheduled for my first visit with a counselor on Tuesday). How can I get him to see that my reactions are normal and that I'm no different than any other spouse who has been betrayed? How do I know that he truly wants to try this time, rather than keep me at arm's length?

This is my 2¢. Anger is emotion come from unmeet expectation and resentment is the position that you take acuse by unmeet expectation. Chill out, a third party intervention will help you out, just wait for your conseling. Let it happen at God's speed. You have to ease down to begin with thanking him for what he has done ... nice dinner is a good start ... don't bring anything up during the dinner, don't bring anything up until the activity following the dinner is done <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . Take a break and tell H that you want to enjoy and appreciate his effort and both of you should not talk anything about 1. A 2. future about R 3. work. The only topic both of you should talk about is now or next "date" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . There is another day to talk about R, even delay it after the meeting with A.

About expectations, you should see anything that he does now in a color glass, mean that you are allow only to see the positive point of his actions. Looking at it half full than half empty !. Let MC helps you out as a middle person.

As a rule of thumb, you should never do anything negative to react to his action or lack of action !. You should try to tell him with I feel ... rather than you didn't or you do.

Situation that lead to A doesn't happen in one week, what do you think it could be mend together less than that ?.
JMO. -rh-

Heres my two cents:

You've got two problems here:

1st: Getting over what he did!

First, he can't keep running back to her! Until they are over you can't start any type of reconcilliation! It would be pointless.

Then, a lot of the recovery is going to be you, you need to be able to put it on the back burner. If you can't the OW might as well be sitting between you for the rest of your lives.

Think of him as a rebellious teenager; when the parent keeps talking about a certain problem issue, it backfires!

I don't don't mean not to talk about it! Talking is healing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Just don't talk about it everytime your together!

Which brings me to my second issue:

You've become strangers! So maybe, if he's done his end(not seeing her),a night away wouldn't be a bad idea.

But only if you are ready to enjoy his company w/o rehashing the hurt from the A. Just hang out like you did when you first got together. Remind yourselves of why you got together in the first place.

And keep the OW where she belongs, out of your life! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

This is easier said than done, i know! I planned a valentines evening too soon and it was a disaster, she was there, in my mind big as life!

I'm hoping for one of those hangout dates this monday, wish me luck! I think I'm ready!Lets see where he is! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Gotta go, catch you later!