he came in this am and wanted sex favor bj, i did it,just because. he emailed me this afternoon and said he was going to a laywer on tues, my b-day, i said i can't stop you. he has been w/ the ow since nov, 2002 living w/ her for 8 wks. we still have all our bills and etc together. what to do now, still plan A'ing, my heart out.

together 6-93
married 7-99
child 8-01
ow-11-02
he left-1-03
what to do now?

I am not too savvy at this yet, however, I think I would tend to utilize Plan B. Your H cannot abuse you in such a cruel way by seeking satisfaction from a person who loves unconditionally. I understand why you did what you did, and probably (at such an early stage in my separataion) would have made a decision such as your. However, now is the time to be strong.

My H went to a lawyer three weeks into our separation, because he "loved" her. He loved me like a sister, but he "loved" her. Well, I finally decided that I would reciprocate and retain an attorney. Guess who, at six months into separation, is pretty t'd off...yep, the H in love....

Why it is the hardest thing to do, tell H, have his "girlfriend" give him a bj, that you do not need to degrade yourself by "having sex" just to be with him. Have more respect for the good person you are, and eventually (believe it or not), he will too.

doedoe1,

What signal do you send to WH ?. I want to save M but I let you disrespect this M ?. You do this doormat thing only and only if you are working on plan A, fixing yourself. Plan A is not doormat !!!!. If SF is one of the part of plan A (you need to show that you could fullfill what you have not done in the past), I would understand what you did, as matter of fact it is a must. However if it is not, it is your choice ... , I would not do it.

Have you talk to MC ?

What to do now ?. You should review your plan A, and see if he saw the changes or acknowledge it. What is your plan A ... ? i.e what you have done to show him changes in your action in the past that contributed to the evironment that lead to A (unfullfill ENs ? continues LB'ed?) ?. Sometime you probably has nothing to fix !, nothing you have contributed to the environment, it just him being a dog !. If that is the case ... send him plan B letter or I rather use tough love !. Keep the contact and let him fillin your ENs but you refused to fillin any of his !.

-rh-

your right, i have been doing alot of a'ing, not lb'ing, he starts fights w/ me and i tell him i won't fight w/ him. he complaines about not having money, i don't have any either, i told him last night that i would not let him run me over, he has been asking me ?'s reguarding what i've done like seeing someone, i'm not i don't have time with raising our son and working 40 hrs wk. i have not given him reasons to do this i think it may be her all her....i wrote him a note telling him i miss him and want to be with him etc... he said he needs to do things for himself. he has not seen his councelor the one from work, he refuses. i spoke to SH, last week, but i don't have the money to talk to him again. i need to talk to him or someone. i told WS to see the lawyer(i can't stop him) and i said i hope he understands the consiquences of his actions, he said that i am going to make him regret his decsion and i'm the one not acting like an adult (sorry about the spelling), i'm in a hurry, i have to go do a procedure w/ my boss. i need to know what to do. angdoedoe1@hotmail.com

doedoe1,

I will be short since I need to do groceries and plan to see the basic before the matinee bargain ends. What is SH's advice to you and in what time line did the last conseling take place ?.

You are sending him a mix signal .... I beleive in this M but I send you to talk to your lawyer !. Don't do that next time. Again review your plan A and if your are done fixing, it is time either go to plan B or tough love.

-rh-

H has noticed the better part of me, but this "fog" he is in is deep. He can be sweet as pie one day that a jerk the next. I know I spilled my guts to him about wanting to be with him, but he says "he needs to do things for himself", " He said I am going to make him regret this," I have no control over his feelings, I know in his heart that he knows this is wrong and can't get past the difference of us now. I need to let him find out for himself how much this will cost him in the long run. The harder I try the worse it gets, if I fate indeference it may be better for me in the long run. It might be better for him or her that I don't give a **** when I really do. All I can do is just wait. Again he might change his mind by Tues, because he is famous for that. I'm sure she is pressing him for the Divorce... You know how the are...... the OW"S
I would like to talk to a guy who was in the fog and realized it that what they were doing was wrong.