It seems that things are not going well for many of us in this forum. I learned last night that WW does not believe that we can fix our marriage.

The her A that really brought this to a head is over, but she is currently unwilling to try to resolve our differences.

My main goals at this point are to provide as much love to my two children as possible, and to be able to look back ten years from now, and know that I did everything I could to save the marriage/family.

At this point, I want to get the Dv over ASAP, but how much consideration should I give to a plan B?

I would appreciate any thinking or observations based on past experience.

Coldlakes

coldlakes,

When A is ended ... there is a period of withdrawal. This time if for you to learn to fillin ENs that filled by OM. Failing to do this would make FWW lost hope. You should review your plan A then learn her ENs, specially the one that you missed.

It is your choice to goto plan B but until FWW agrees to fix this M you have no choice but "tune up" your plan A and fillin her ENs that you has missed. She is still in fog.

Why don't you challenge her to get MB conseling for 6 months ?. She has to follow all the sugestions that Steve or Jennifer tell her. By the end of 6 months both of you could sit down again ?. 6 months plus conseling fee are nothing compare to the hurt that both of you are going to put your kids !.

Does she allow you to fillin her ENs ?.

-rh-

Thanks for the feedback.

W does not allow me to even understand her needs anymore. She has made it very clear that she does not believe she will ever be able to trust me again (money, openess, poor sex life). She was in withdrawl for so long even before her A, that she does not see a path back. She is not receptive to counseling, and her only hesitation is our two girls (7&9).

Her parents were divorced when she was 8, and almost adult in her immediate family, and extended family is, or has been divorced, so this seems less traumatic a choice to her, than it does to me.

coldlakes:

Your W sounds a lot like mine right now. I believe that redhat is right. She's going through withdrawl from the OM. My W also doesn't believe she can trust me either, because our problems go back so many years.

Only thing you can do, only thing I can do, is demonstrate through actions that you are a changed, more "knowledgable" and loving H now for the experience. I know I'll never be the same after all that's happened. Love, honesty, and time are on your side.

All my best,
Qfwfq

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by coldlakes:
<strong>W does not allow me to even understand her needs anymore.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You guess it, order is not important the most important is the top 5 ENs. Guess it, try to remember her complaint about you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>her only hesitation is our two girls (7&9).</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Bingo ... the key of plan A is for you to show her that you could change. Apply it to your 2 D and show that you are able to change.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Her parents were divorced when she was 8, and almost adult in her immediate family, and extended family is, or has been divorced, so this seems less traumatic a choice to her, than it does to me.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, ghost from the past ... study shows that the impact of Dv could be surface as long as 25 years after the trauma. This is most of those are taken don't want to understand or care.

Again ... you could show your changes via your 2 D !!!!. I did it. Shift your life around them instead of your W.

-rh-