I have just found out about my spouses infidelity (2 weeks ago). We have had our first marriage counselling session and are slated to ago again on the 24th of April. In the mean time our homework for the session was to sit down at least once a week and discuss things going on in our life. We sat down without distractions the other night but I had an overwhelming urge to ask him all the questions about life and what does he want out of it, what makes him happy, etc. He told me a few things. He said that he felt I was being too affectionate towards him (after I found out I guess is wanted to hang on for dear life). This was one his biggest issues with our marriage, my not being affectionate the way he likes me to be, hugging, kissing all the time. I guess early in the marriage I associated all the affection with sex, as usually happens. Anyway our lives got very busy, with his work and travel and my work and raising a young lady. He is acting very nice towards me and kissing me good morning and good night. He stopped saying I love you when we end a phone conversations, weird not to hear. I have no idea what is going in his mind. He is slightly depressed and angry with himself for the A I think and is trying to live life on the surface to save face right now. Myself, I have an urgent need to try and fix our marriage.

Tell me, do I back off and give him space or keep pushing for his thoughts and emotions. I do want to work on our marriage as I love him. I have almost 20 years invested in this marriage and do not intend to let it go now. I feel so hurt and physicall ill all the time.

I would appreciate any men out there who has been there and done that.

I am BS ... but if you read many post here, you H is in withdrawal state and angry. Angry that A has to end ... I would sugest for both of you to fill in ENQ, LBQ, RAQ and even financial Q. Use it as a based for discussion 1-on-1. Give it time, 2 weeks is very short time. Your M deteriorated longer than that.

-rh-

I still would like to hear from a WH on a few issues. Do you feel guilty saying I love you to your wife after she has found out?? My husband who ususally expresses this 2-3 times daily has stopped saying this since d-day. He has not engaged in sex with me either, I sort of tried to initiate on the weekend but he seemed sort of scared ( I know he wanted to), and jumped out of bed to make me breakfast instead. Do you feel you do not deserve these things after D day, I would really like the input of the WH and what you felt immediately after d-day. It might help me with how my husband is feeling right now.