3 years ago, I found out that my H had behaved very inappropriately with a relative. To make matters worse, this info was hid from me not only my H but my father and the other family members involved for over 5 years. When I became aware of the event, I required that my h immediately get counseling and we also participated in marriage counseling. Because we have a daughter and for my financial sake I decided we should try to work it out. Not long after this glorious event, my h got laid off and had to go back to work for my parents at a reduction in pay...... there's more horrors but they are really irrelevant to my current question. So, to make a loooooooong story short I informed my h that I was unwilling to remain dependent upon my parents and that I wanted him to find other employment. He did not and has not. So, I've gone to work and done pretty darn good. During the past year I earned double his income from the previous year. Don't get me wrong, he works and works hard just never smart and never willing to initiate or plan on his own. I feel like his mother - which makes sex repulsive.

For the past year I have found myself tempted by any male I become close to especially if they have half a brain. I'm lonely frustrated and definitely wish my emotional needs could be met. I'm sure my husband would be willing to read whatever from this site. He would make attempts but unless I remind him, all the grand plans/efforts will end with things right back where we started.

My gut feeling is that the only way to really change things is to ask him to move out. To ask that he provide assistance with child and spousal support and to give him 6 months to get his act together. I'm scared though. I've never lived alone...life already has soooooooo much work. Our daughter will just need more from me and I sure want be any closer, at least immediately, to having my EN met.

What should I do? I'm tempted to just stay where I am and look for Mr. Right, but I know this is wrong and according to the statistics on this website the outcome would likely be pretty grim. But at the same time the thoughts of being right where I am in this relationship in 5 or 10 or 20 more years is unbearable. My parents provide no support - they think I should just accept letting my h work for them. Great!!!!!! we can stay children together forever - what fun.

Any thoughts/suggestions would be appreciated

abouttogetout,

You owe it to yourself to get conseling with a marriage coach. From what I see here your H never have a chance in your M since you always has your own fantasy about a better husband. Get a MB conselor to help both of you. If you read How to Survive Infidelity I do not beleive both of you done the right steps of recovery.

Road to recovery is hard and long, yours has never recovered and start showing problem in a different facet. Ending A is just a small step in the right journey. Get help quick.

You married your H and has D ... you must in love with your H at one point. Look at those time and use the same "rosy colored glass" to see him again not "a dark fogged glass".

-rh-

Times are really tough, I live in WA state, worst unemployment rate in country.

Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Sounds like FWS is doing the best he can to provide for family, since he was laid off.

You are not mother, WS is doing what he can right now to support family. If he/you are not happy with working for parents, is he actively seeking other employment? Pray for another job if you are not happy with what FWS is doing, working for your parents. Do they have strings attached to his employment with them? Are there emotional triggers for you?

Is it really all about who makes the most? These days, where I am at, it's not about who is making the most, but about who is just making the bills and rent.

My FWS and I are just so happy to be employed right now. It doesn't matter who is making what, it is just about making ends meet right now. Are you doing that?

What do you want? Do you have an EN for FWS to make more money than you? Sorry, don't know what your situation is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

My situation is that I thank God everyday for the blessings that we do have, jobs being #1. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

<small>[ April 21, 2003, 11:50 PM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>

Hi and welcome to MB,

One of your supportive posters stopped by on GQII and asked for some of us to stop by. Hope you don't mind.

My 2 cents is that you read the concepts section above, get ahold of the book his needs/her needs by Dr Phil Harley and you both take the emotional needs questionnaire.

If my hunch is right your H has some inferiority complex issues along with conflict avoidance problems. If left untreated, this condition could lead to further issues later in both your lives.

U 2 have children? Then it is important that you learn to deal with your issues now since your children do need you both and will continue to need their parents.

As for your parents, I am not sure why this is an issue. They are your parents right? Is there a communication problem with you and your parents? Are they too controlling or is that your perception?

If you are a parent do they still seem unreasonable to you?

Let us know what you think about what you have read. Also you may want to look into some IC or MC help. Phone counseling with Steve or Jennifer here at MB is available. They are both quite good.

take care,
L.

It sounds like you and your husband have built up a lot of anger and frustrations over the last years. No wonder - you guys went through a lot: becoming parents, being laid off, you started work, relationship with your family etc etc etc.

It's good that you found this board and that you had the courage to post.

I think every marriage deserves a chance. Before you do anything you might regret later on, I urge you to give your family that chance. For example - your husband must feel really depressed and frustrated right now, having to work for your parents (who took him because of pity?), earning less than you, and not being able to satisfy your sexual needs. What did you do to lift him out of that hole? What could you do? What will you do? Dont think the "but I did this" way and "but I'm doing it all". Just sit back for a moment and think of what you could do to him to help him - without expecting a good deed in return straight away.