I've posted on the JUST FOUND OUT site. I feel this site may be where I should be. My H has an eleven year relationship with a girl he works with. He calls her his "best friend". I started hearing about this friend about three years ago. In the last 15 months I have been much more aware of this "friend". I started feeling something was not right and kept asking questions and putting things together until he finally told me he had feelings for her of more than friendship. Two nights ago after a discovery of old letters, he admitted he is in love with her. She however still thinks he is just a very good friend. She is not a quality person. She is married and has left her H once for another man, but went back. That was ten or eleven years ago. Since then she has been involved with several other men at work. I know this bothers my H, but he cannot give up the "friendship". In the letters I found, he told her he enjoys their close friendship and that they can share everything openly and honestly. These letters were 4 years old. Over the last year I have read HNHN and SAA, so I recogniz that this is an EA, at least on his part. 15 months ago I began a Plan A in earnest. I was sure I could make him see his life with me was more important than a relationship with her. He tells me he will never leave me for her or anyone else and that even though they are close they could not and will never be a couple.
You see I think he realizes she could never be a faithful half of any couple. Yet he finds her to be very important in his life. H and I have a wonderful sex life. I am beginning to realize that even though it is not a PA, his needs are being met by having both of us. I meet his physical needs and many emotional needs, as well as recreation needs and his homelife needs. She meets some emotional needs and I haven't been able to figure out which ones. So as I said I've been Plan Aing but it hasn't worked as I hoped. I think I am ready to Plan B, but I am afraid and don't know if I should leave or insist he leave. This morning I asked him if he would go to his mother's house for a while. He got angry and said he is not leaving and I am not either. He thinks because he has had no physical contact with her, that there is nothing wrong. He has admitted if the roles were reversed, he would likely feel the same threat I feel. We talked this morning but we don't make any progress. I lay in his arms and I just want to stay there where I feel safe, loved and secure. Am I being crazy to break up my marriage over someone that he says is not a threat to us or our marriage? Should I continue with Plan A? Should I Plan B? Or should I seek counseling for myself to learn to deal with this. My H and I have a wonderful life together aside from this problem. I would like to say it is a problem only when I bring it up, but sometimes he mentions her name in conjucntion with something at work and I feel anger just hearing him say her name. I call her sh**head. Earlier this week he said "sh**head brough cupcakes for her birthday" and I just laughed to hear him call her that. I had told him several days prior that I hate to hear him use her name. He doesn't try to rub my nose in this at all, he just answers my questions. We have 3 children D27, D23, S19 and a 3 month old grandson whom we adore. This leads to another rub in my situation. I don't want any of my kids to know about this. The girls would never forgive him. The son would probably not feel much different. If I Plan B they will have to be told something. I am so unsure of how to handle things. I also have health problems that would prevent me from supporting myself. The more I type, the more confused I become. Help me think clearly.
