I have posted my info here and there so I don't have one place to tell you to look.
Without going into every bit of detail I would like to ask for words of wisdom.
I filed just over a month ago and have been in Plan B mode. Moving toward a future alone.
He asked me yesterday to figure out what I want and let him know. He doesn't want the divorce.
He has been abusive, controling and manipulative.
He's been unfaithful as well.
Some of you know where I have been and what I've been through.
I'm trying to think about what it is that I need from him to repair this marriage.
Everything is my answer. Where do I begin?
I'm praying God will lead me to do what He want's for me. I'm hoping God will use all of you to speak to me. I'm listening.

Aly

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Aly:
<strong>Where do I begin? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually the answer lies on you. What do you want ?. The purpose of plan B is to get WS to commit and work on M. It is good that he doesn't want the Dv. Make sure WH ends A properly and willing to be accountable completely to you on time & money. Make sure you let WH to plan A w/ a time frame ... w/ the list from you. For him to stop abusive behavior, for him to respect you and let the control go. Get him conseling for both IC and MC. IC to dig his past and look at his behavior and MC to coach him to do the right thing. Get him conseling with MB and wait for a while to recall your plan B.

This way you put back the responsibilities where it should be ... on him and not you. Make sure that you tell H that you need this for you not for his punishment.

-rh-

Rh,
O.K. This is exactly what I've done since I last posted.
I told him I've made him lists and asked him to read and go to counseling but he refused.
I did tell him he needed IC and to check out MC on MB.
I also reminded him to go through all the promisess he made me just over the last 3 to 4 years.
I told him he needs to figure out first why he doesn't get it and go from there.
I told him it's up to him to figure out the past. I found Getting the love you want by Hendrix on tape and bought the book. He said he would read it. I told him to read, listen and call the doc he used before and to talk to doc about problems.
I'm still in counseling as I have been for last couple of years.
He agreed to take next couple of months to re thinks situation and leave things with temp orders.
I would be willing to go to MB counseling over the phone.
The question I have at this point is; will he be willing to look deeply at himself. I am. I have. I am still looking. I think I will always be looking at myself to see how I can better myself for me, my kids, my relationships.
Thanks for all the words of help.
It's helped me reclarify what I already know.

Aly

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Aly:
<strong>The question I have at this point is; will he be willing to look deeply at himself.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have done good. You should go back to plan B and go back to NC if he refused to do it. Actually, I rather you doing tough love at this point. You are already moving on and he is still stuck somewhere before D-day. Stick with your boundry but keep contact !. This is the gift for your WH by helping him. However at some point you have to call it quit, have a time frame.

-rh-

RH,
Yesterday I found a counselor for us. I spoke to him and he sounds like he knows what I've been dealing with. He deals with men like my H a lot.
I gave my H the name and number and told him this was the answer to his request. I told him this is what I wanted.
He moaned and groaned. He finally said he would go. I told him he had to make the appointment and let me know. I wasn't going to drag him in.
I'm back on TL and Plan B status.
It will be interesting to see what he does. I don't think he will do it.
I tell you, I'm sick of this roller coaster and I want off. Either he makes up his mind to work things out in the near future or I'm moving on.
The question is; how much time do I give him?

Aly

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Aly:
<strong>The question is; how much time do I give him?
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Until you could say that you could live for a few days w/o even thinking of him. However don't be surprise if he makes the call to MC.

-rh-