It has been decided, am leaving him. Cannot handle any more of his lies and deception. He is obviously not concerned with working on this marriage or our future. After finding out 2 times that he had continued seeing her, despite all of his "I swears", I found out on Thursday that he has been still contacting her, calling her, etc. Then I found the following message sent to her in one of his e-mail accounts:
_________
I wanted to write you this letter because I wanted you to really know how I feel and also to tell you that I understand that you will accept no less than a 100% of me and pure honesty as well.

I never expected to fall in love with you, but for the first time I know it is real. In my life I have compromised and accepted things. You come along and present yourself in such an honest and clear picture of what I have searched for all of my life and I saw that immediately. WOW! I thought that I would be able to walk away from you and never look back, but something would not let me do that. Something kept telling me I was making a mistake.

I want nothing less than a 100% as well and will give you that and more. I know what I need to do and I have already started that process. I also never meant to hurt you or lie to you.
Right now I want to regain that trust so that we can have the life in which we both desire. I also want to say that I love you more for allowing me a second chance at a life with you.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend in Iowa. I think about you each and every day. I hope you feel me too.
______

So that is pretty cut and dry. This is the 3rd time and this is just 2 days after we were sitting in the MC office, me stating that I could not handle a 3rd time of finding out. This isn't the only lie since then. We are in the hole and he took out money the other day to get his hair done which was like, $150. Our car payment bounced because of that, as will other bills probably. (I am supporting him right now as has been laid off for 2 months during which time he had this EA - only slept together once). Another thing is that the same day he sent this e-mail, he called one of my best friends (male) in Toronto who he had kind of bonded with and who knows what is going on. He lied to this friend outright as well, saying that he hadn't had any contact with her, he was focusing on working on our marriage, etc. Trying to pull the wool over my friend's eyes as well.

After I read this e-mail, I called her (OW) and she confirmed that he had been calling her, trying to see her, etc. He lied to her saying that he had started a new job this week (not true). She is pretty disgusted with this whole thing as well (he told her he was single) and that he has still been calling her. But whatever, her feelings are not what I based my decision on.

Anyway, weekend was ok because I played it cool. When he was out, I managed to pack a few boxes and hide them up in the attic. Felt really guilty about this though and sad. He has alot of bills and no job and I do love him still, but I cannot be treated this way any longer. I am not sure what he will do without me supporting him and no job, but I need to get myself back. It will take a lot of organizing for me to leave, b/c it will mean me going back to Canada and reshipping my belongings back there, etc. So when I leave, that will be the end. Am not coming back.

I wrote him a letter and gave it to him Sunday night and we talked about it. Told him that I was seriously considering leaving him and was looking for jobs back in Vancouver. We are going to talk more tonight about it. We still made love last night but my heart was sad. He was given the opportunity to work on this marriage and he made choices - 3 times which indicate to me that he didn't care. Plus that e-mail was the final straw. And if I have any doubts about leaving, I will just reread it. I have friends and family who love me back where I came from who will support me through this. Would rather start over and have that support than be with a man who does not want to be with me wholeheartedly.

So that is my update.