Well - my H of 20 years and I have just informed our 14 year old daugther that we have been having problems in our marriage (see previous posts). He had an A. We did not inform our daughter of this. H is truly depressed at this point in time and seems to be on the a nervous breakdown. He wont go for help. He says he needs to get over one hurdle at a time. I guess leaving for him is the first one. He says he needs to leave in order to sort himself out. I asked if he was leaving for good and he said he hoped not. What kind of answer is that. Functionally, I do not see how we can run two households. For the sake of myself and my daughter I plan on staying in our newly built house. We have all new furniture and relationships estabilished here and I do not want my daughter any more torn apare than she is. She says she is mad at her father, a normal reaction I guess.

My question is this, - Do I continue with plan A or is plan B in place at this point. I do not want to deny him access to us as a family just yet. I want him to miss us and miss what he has in life but I do not want the no contact thing with him just yet. I think he is still fogged and needs my support still.

Anyone out there - please help me. I did not sleep at all last night. - Also is it wise for me to start looking into a lawyer - mediator at this time - I really do not want to get screwed financially, not that he would, but then again, I though he would be the last person on earth to have an A.

I told him that I loved him and would be patient and wait for him (I just don't know how long). I am going to live my life normally. My daughter is signed up for her usual summer camp, summer hockey and I plan on taking a vacation this summer with my income tax return. My daughter wants to go to Edmonton(??) why I dont know, I would like to see the Grand Canyon. We will see if the H wants to come along on this - maybe by then his head will be straight.

thanks for listening, any input is greatly appreciated at this point in my life

stated,

There is not time limit on how long withdrawal is going to be. Hang in there, ok. Try to guess what ENs that OW fillin and try to replace it, and of course avoid LB at all costs.

-rh-

Thanks Redhat - I know there is no time limit on his Fog. I am just so torn up right now I do not know what to do. As far as the EN the OW is fillin, I dont think the OW is in the picture right now. He has turned off pager, cell phone, home all the time etc. I have doing my very best at no LB'ing and had to totally rethink my verbal communication. I am not sure what else I can do to help him. I dont think I can unless he admits he has a problem with depression and gets to the doctor. I spoke to his mother this morning who was completely shocked that H was going through this. He seemed to be the only stable one in the family -LOL. Anyway she says she will talk to him, she is very logical, trustworty and non-judgemental. One can only hope that he will open up to her about his feelings of saddness, guilt etc. I don't know any more.

Thanks for listening and any other advice from you guys is greatly appreciated. I check this dam board about 60 times a day, I am almost tired of reading all the doom and gloom and troubles. There does not seem any hope for me right now, I am a mess!!!

Hang in there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Don't read too much. I know, I've done that too.
He does need to do this on his own.
I would wait a few days and see how things pan out.
Rent some movies to take your mind off of things.
(This helps me)
I would give him some space too. Not a full flege Plan B, because of his mental state, but some space not just for him but for you too.
I'd find a good counselor for yourself. It helps to have someone to work your feelings through with. Oh, and a counselor for your daughter.
You might start looking for a lawyer. Just to find out what your rights are where you live. Cover all your bases.
I wouldn't let him back until you see progress on his part. Meaning, he's on meds, in counseling, and most of all OW is OUT OF THE PICTURE COMPLETELY!
Read up on Infidelity. He must have an open door policy with his life. MUST! You need to feel you have access to his life at all times.
Well, I'm thinking of you. I'm praying for you.
You are where I was 3 years ago. I did everything the wrong way. I didn't have this sight back then.

Aly

Set the example for him by taking excellent care of yourself. He definately would benefit from counsel, but then again so would you. In the Bible it talks about how one spouse can be faithful (to God), and can bring the other spouse through. Even if the other spouse is not faithful (to God). Do you see the analogy. He needs to learn to clarify what his actions have brought him to. But you can not do it for him. You can do this for yourself only, and by your example he, if he chooses, will come through.

P.S. Life IS messy!!!!