Well - I wrote my H a three page letter and left it in a chaper of a book called Divorce Remedy. The chapter was on mid life crisis. It really seemed to be talking about him right now. Anyway, he said he read my letter, and will read the chapter in the book. He does say though that he is moving out within the next day or two to his mother's. He spoke with his mother and she urged him to come and live with her (she lives alone). She said she would even move out of her home to live her friend in the same neighborhood so that he would have time by himself to think. He said he was going to continue with the counselling on his own for now. He will not be home for two days, and says that Sunday we will tell our daughter his plans. He says that he wants to be around the home on the weekends and do things around the house but that he just cant come home every day right now with the way he is feeling.

My question is am I still plan Aing, or do I keep my distance from him, and be somewhat unavailable. I am not sure. He kissed me good bye this morning, which is really giving mixed signals. I told him I was not willing to give up 20 years of marriage and that I am comitting myself 100% to working on this marriage. So I guess I really answered my own question, I will still plan A for a while longer. The rollercoaster of emotion is unbelievable and I feel like puking. It hurts so much. I have to be strong for my daughter and ensure that she does not start "hating men" at such a young age. My H will loose the most important thing in his life if he does not try to mend this family. My daughter will hate him I think. She is at that age.

How do I conduct myself when he is gone. Do I call him in the daytime to say hi, or leave that up to him. He is moving in with his mother so that he does not make any rash decisions at this time, such as renting a place to himself and finacially straining us. I guess it will be good for him to sort himself out without the pressures of being around me and my daughter and seeing our unhappiness daily, knowing he is the cause. I have talked to all of his family now and they are just so shocked by his behavior. I have explained the fog/depression to them and told them that I want to work on my marriage. My husband though always says, he will not be pushed into making any decisions he is not happy with. So his family telling them their opinion really wont alter his plan of life. I just hope he clears his head and can see that he has a wife and child who love him to death and would (and have) do anything for him.

Please let me know what happens next - any thoughts people??

Okay - nobody out there or what??

My daughter just blew up at my H - she is angry with him for moving out. She does not understand the whole thing. Anyway they were just on the phone and she was really rude and obnoxious to him. He was at airport getting ready for take off for business.

I talked to my daugther after she got off the phone with him. She was crying. I told her that Daddy needed time and he needs to sort himself out, that it is nothing that we did wrong. I told her that being angry with him is just her way of showing her emotinos right now.

Anyway, I e-mailed my husband and told him that she really does love him, that is just very difficult for her right now. This is what he e-mails me back:

" I know that this is very hard on her and I know that she loves me, tell her that for me. I am trying to see things from all points of view, that is why I am thinking thru this carefully and at the same time being careful not to add more hurt than I already have.

Marilyn, (my real name(, I do appreciate how you have dealt with this and know that it has been bery hard on you and that I have hurt you. I am feeling very hurt as well and am searching my thoughts and feelings, my decisions are based on doing the right thing and protecting everyone at the same time. When I say protecting, I don't what things to become an arguement. I really dont want more hurt. You have been a very important part of my life and I know that all I have achieved would not have been achieved without you. Know that I love you, that I respect you and that I am proud of all the things that you have achieved as a person, and a great mother and as my wife.

I can only say that these decisions are very important to me and I want to do the right thing in the end.

Take care of yourself, Love Mike "

What do you all take of this?? Is this a glimmer of hope for me, or just a nice way to let me down?? Any thoughts.

stated,

This board is very slow moving and I like to hang around here ... GQII is too fast for me. Do try to guess or read what he does or doesn't. You are doing it correctly ... let him go and don't try to "explain" his behavior to your D. It is his too lose not yours, all you need to make sure is that you don't bad mouth her dad.

You know that the 'coaster is up'n down. Don't expect him to do anything right now and leave him alone. Plan A would help you in your own recovery ...

-rh-

How are you doing? You are experiencing what so many are going through. Redhat is so right. Are you staying busy. What kind of things do you enjoy. Maybe you ought to take a class in cooking or language or anything just for diversion you know what I mean?

Your 14 year old is aware and honesty is important to her as well. Do maintain counseling. Does she have benefit of this as well. The world is a fast pace and esp. with the children. I have found my children to be a source of strength. They give me the reason to fight for what is best, when I can think of no other.