How do you do all of this alone? I am interested in following all of the helpful advice that the Marriage Builders site has to offer (and I think it is terrific, by the way). However, she is completely content to stay the way we are (as long as I stop resisting the injustices of it all). And, the way we are is this: Everything is just fine as long as we do what she wants, when she wants it. Should I suggest we do something I might enjoy, or try to find something that we can both enjoy together, she is not interested. She has an obsessive hobby – one that she feels requires tending to once or twice a day, and every weekend. Then there are the all day events and lessons... etc. I do not participate in her hobby, because it requires quite a bit of skill, and I do not have the proper equipment to enjoy it with her (namely, a horse suitable for an amateur rider). I do try to be present when she rides or trains or competes, but it is just not the same as enjoying an activity together.
She will not make time for us, unless it is “convenient” and at a time when she would normally have time left over anyway, such as at the end of the day after her work and horse riding is over with. This constitutes an hour or two, during which dinner, any laundry or other chores, or the incessant calling of her friends takes up the remaining time we might possibly have “alone.”
She communicates with her friends first, about all things in her life. She has a male (married) friend she has known for about 7 years who she confides in all things. He typically calls her twice a day, but at least once every day, when I am not around. I feel left out, and excluded, and second best, and I am becoming very resentful.
This male friend, after hearing about our “troubles” suggested that she and I go to therapy together, but her response to him (and to me as she related the story of their conversation) was that if she had to go to therapy so early in our relationship, then maybe we weren’t meant to be together anyway.
I am terribly frustrated, hurt and angry about our situation. And while I know that if I allow her to exclude me, and pursue her hobby to the extent she wants to, I will have nothing left for me / us.
Does anyone have any suggestions how I might be able to “break through” to her, and make her see how destructive her behavior is to our relationship? She is not a good communicator, and gets angry if I try to bring up the subject.
Help!
K
