I've been away from MB for a while (formerly DanniC) and although I don't really know anyone here anymore I just have to say that I respect and admire all of you for trying to Plan A or Plan B.

When I found out my H was seeing someone else my first instinct was to hold onto what's mine and fight. I was in my last monts of pregnancy and extremely hormonal so there was alot of crying, begging, insulting, reasoning with and yes, as big as I was with child even threw myself at him a few times in an effort to make him see that the connection was still there between us. I was desperate because he was convinced that he was in love with OW and had started making plans to leave. After the traumatic birth of our third child and one night after OWs true identity was revealed, FWH realized how selfish he had been, and recommitted himself to the M. A year later, we are still married and still working very hard at recovery, but here's where I'm still in my own personal HELL.

I will forever resent myself for not letting him go and letting him discover the fog for himself. I will never forgive myself for risking the health of my baby in order to hold onto someone who acted as though he hated me. I would feel more valued now had I let HIM make the decision that I was worth staying married and faithful to. Instead, I "marketed" myself to my own H, and competed with someone else for something that should have been mine to begin with (disgusting, huh?). A year later it has become an inferiority complex that clouds my judgement about when I'm being selfless or stupid... generous or walked all over... a good wife or a complete fool. I can honestly say that if I had it to do all over again, I would have Plan A'd my #ss off!

I guess I'm just trying to encourage all of you to keep at it, stay as strong as you can, and when you can't be lean on friends, family and MBers. The marriage aside, you'll be doing yourself a huge favor in the long run. God Bless.

The Lady or DanniC,

Plan A & Plan B doesn't gurantee that you won't be in the same predicament. IMVHO. Actually it is more from your FWH to ensure your healing by showing you that you are the better option. How is your recovery ? ... is H abide by 4 rules of recovery ?.

When you have time, could you lurked & post to Jen Brown in GQII ? She is WS turn BS.

-rh-

redhat,

I remember you! FWH LBd big last weekend (see my post in recovery). I'm not exactly sure what it means, but it certainly gives me my doubts about whether or not we'll make it.

The problem is that I can't actually see his efforts. I believe we both maake efforts to communicate more productively, but I'm not sure he can handle keeping his association with women at a harmless level. After all he can only prove this when I'm not looking and I'm not one for blind faith anymore. Our other challenge at the moment is his "lack of urgency" and initiative to repair. This would mean so much to me, especially since I'm the one who did things that I felt were beneath me upon discovering his A. Not that I'm after a mirrored requitement. I would just like to see that he wants for my love and happiness just as much as I want for his. I feel that his failure to pursue things like MB or even reading material is a sign that he could "take me or leave me". I hope that makes sense.

I'll be sure and post to Jen. thanks for the response. Anymore input would be greatly appreciated.

The Lady,

yeap ... 3000 post later I found my lady <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .

Sorry to hear about your FWH ... but it is understood that even if the cow come home it doesn't mean that you are in recovery !!!!. You are still in limbo ... until your FWH takes active interest on working in M & ammends you ... you have to do plan A. It is never too late.

IMVHO. Set a time limit, at least a few months to do plan A. Since there is no OW no more, it should be easier to do plan A. If you need on help plan A materials, let me know. You could also read my response to others how to identify plan A materials ... I sound like a broken record <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> . After that you do plan B ! ... like Dr. Phil said "you set yourself up for how others treat you". Life is too short !, if your FWH is not the same page, you should be ready to find happiness ... w or w/o him. The deal breaker in here is continuing disregard of your feeling and until you try plan A/B and stand up for yourself you would not know if he is clueless, lazy or intentionally disregard you. However regardless the reason it is about you !. Go do good plan A then plan B then it is your choice ...

-rh-