I've been away from MB for a while (formerly DanniC) and although I don't really know anyone here anymore I just have to say that I respect and admire all of you for trying to Plan A or Plan B.
When I found out my H was seeing someone else my first instinct was to hold onto what's mine and fight. I was in my last monts of pregnancy and extremely hormonal so there was alot of crying, begging, insulting, reasoning with and yes, as big as I was with child even threw myself at him a few times in an effort to make him see that the connection was still there between us. I was desperate because he was convinced that he was in love with OW and had started making plans to leave. After the traumatic birth of our third child and one night after OWs true identity was revealed, FWH realized how selfish he had been, and recommitted himself to the M. A year later, we are still married and still working very hard at recovery, but here's where I'm still in my own personal HELL.
I will forever resent myself for not letting him go and letting him discover the fog for himself. I will never forgive myself for risking the health of my baby in order to hold onto someone who acted as though he hated me. I would feel more valued now had I let HIM make the decision that I was worth staying married and faithful to. Instead, I "marketed" myself to my own H, and competed with someone else for something that should have been mine to begin with (disgusting, huh?). A year later it has become an inferiority complex that clouds my judgement about when I'm being selfless or stupid... generous or walked all over... a good wife or a complete fool. I can honestly say that if I had it to do all over again, I would have Plan A'd my #ss off!
I guess I'm just trying to encourage all of you to keep at it, stay as strong as you can, and when you can't be lean on friends, family and MBers. The marriage aside, you'll be doing yourself a huge favor in the long run. God Bless.
