I guess I am officially in plan b. I usually post on pregnancy/child board, as my WS had A that produced a child. D day was two years ago.

WE now are officially separated, since H continues to see OC against my wishes and lack of joint agreement and has some contact with OW. He also admits to caring about her as well. I don't think he is still sexually active with her, but with his lies, who could know for sure.

He finally moved out last night and I filed in court for legal separation two months ago. Now we will be finally dealing with financial ramifications of child support and custody. I want full custody, he does too. I doubt he will get it.

My question is- I was advised by Steve Harley to file given H's lack of caring for my feelings and his continued lies and lack of making me feel safe and secure. I was beginning to hate and loathe him. I think plan B is probably indicated.

He has been out of house two days now, and my children, two under 10, are constantly calling him. He of course wants the calls. The problem is that children then want me to talk to H-to work out whatever we have to work out so daddy can come home. H told kids I asked him to leave-I then told them H had done some hurtful things to me, and unless he changed some things, he cannot live here. IF he does, he is welcome back.

NOw, what is plan B exactly? no contact with H except when he talks about kids and plans to pick them up and see them? nO email, phone, etc? What is my role here? I have appointment with Steve this week, I hope, but don't know what to do in meantime. I still hope for some reconciliation if H and I can ever agree, but right now it seems remote. What are your suggestions? I need help!
And thanks!

Plan B is about stopping fillin LB$ and let WS & BS feels how it would be when Dv is unavoidable. Even with kids you still could set up NC. Get third party as middleman, even about kids business. If accidental contact happened, you should not engage non-kid biz. I use skating rink to do drop off & pick up so that we won't see each other. I use txt-messaging to deal about kids biz. I never response to any non biz. My question about kid-biz is yes/no question. SH could help you in detail ...

Don't use your kids in the middle ... don't engage your H behavior in putting kids in the middle. Explain to your kids that this is not his reponsibilities to solve, the problem is between mom & dad.

-rh-

<small>[ May 12, 2003, 12:49 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

I heartily recommend two books I have read that are full of excellent advice for the single parent. For me, after I read them and started doing the things dicussed in the books, I felt so much stronger to stick to Plan B. I wasn't so worried about failing as a parent and screwing up my kids' lives. After all, I wasn't the one who chose the OW over my family.

The Single Parent Resource by Brook Noel
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A...73/sr=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/102-0037949-0912119

Where's Daddy: How Divorced, Single and Widowed Mothers Can Provide What's Missing When Dad's Missing by Claudette Wasil-Grimm.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...102-0037949-0912119?v=glance&s=books

The chapter on Creative Custody was especially good.

JP

Thanks everyone for all your feedback.

My H has been out of house for 3 nights. He spent 3 hours with one of our children last night, and came home late, not calling me to tell me that.Couldn't get a hold of him via cell. I was worried and angry.

I am allowing my kids to be with him, but we do not yet have a regularly scheduled visit schedule.
We go to court again in two weeks.

Fact is, although I miss being a family, I don't miss him. His behavior and cruelty to me has really hurt me, and made me so angry at him. He will have to do lots of things to make me feel I want him back in our lives.

My children are being warm to me, and him. They hope he does things to come back in our home. He told them I asked him to leave-which made me angry as I asked him to leave since he had the A, the oC, and continued contact. Hardly my fault.

I will look up the books you recommended, Jungle Princess. I need something to help my kids. I feel sad they are becoming a statistic of separated and divorced parents. I resent my H every day for that.