How do I even get to plan A, I am so angry and resentful and HURT. He lied to me about so many things and there is no trust there. I cant even trust my own emotions and feelings anymore because I cant see why anyone would want to stay after he did this to us. He knows that I cant trust him.

But how do I even get to plan A. He says she moved out of town and quit her work which is where he works and the last time he saw her was the day before he got busted and he says she had just stopped by because she was getting some more things and that her brother lived here. I cant believe anything he says to me anymore.

I guess I am just so confused right now on what to do, if we seperate I have to move all the way back to the east coast with my 6 yo son who will then never get to see his Stepdad of 4 years and I think that would crush him tremendously. I know I still someone have love for my H even though he did this and swears it was just emotional and not physical and he even told his mom about it ( I confirmed) that he was wrestling with his feelings and wanted her opinion and she told him to go home and make his marriage work and go to counseling and I think that is why he came back that one night crying. My friends and family told me to get rid of him and move back to the east coast but I am just so lost on what to do at this point but I know he says he doesnt want to loose me or my son and wants to make things work but I just dont see how I can ever trust him again.

if we seperate
You should not separate if at all possible. Do Plan A. Read all the articles (not just the forums)on this site.

So you think I should ask him to come home so we can try to work on this, I kind of feel like that is saying that I accept all the lies and what he has done, which I dont accept it. I think it is my pride and the will to be strong and my heart that is wrestling with each other.

You posted;
if we seperate

then you said
So you think I should ask him to come home
Are you living in separate households or not?

actually yes I kicked him out when I found out the whole truth this week after last week. He is at his moms I am just so scared to try again after all that we have been through. It had been rough before the supposedly affair, he says nothing happened but if not it was an emotional affair. I just am not sure he says he wants to come home and make everything right but because I am hurt I am angry and so confused. I do want to go to counseling with him but I am just not sure that I want what to kill him some days.

Also it says that in Plan A we should not bring up any questions about the affair until later and love units have been deposited but I am finding it hard to deposit love units right now. One minute I want to the next I dont. Does anyone have any advice or a good way to go about this?

I think that the first thing is to avoid making love bank withdrawals - avoiding love busters. At this point, asking your H to discuss the A is like a love buster. I know how hard it is. I really struggled with my questions and need for reassurance, but while my H was in the fog and not sure which way he was going to turn, my demands for answers were working against me. Until your H is out of the fog and withdrawal (or at least largely out of withdrawal), you can't likely make too many love deposits. I did try to, and I think it helped a bit, but from talking to my H recently, it seems that just AVOIDING LBs in those early weeks/ months made a huge difference for him.

You have come to the right place. There are many, many people here who are much wiser than I, but I hope that I might help a little.

Have you read SAA yet? I'd highly recommend it. Also, I have found the following sites helpful:
Divorce Busting
Dear Peggy

Have you read about the giver and taker (see basic concepts on this site)? There have been a lot of times when my taker wanted to be in control of things, but I tried to keep my goal in mind: to save my marriage.

Take care of yourself. You have many friends here to call on.

Chickadee

He came home on friday even when I wasnt sure myself what I wanted. I havent mentioned anything at all about the A. We have had a great weekend just being close to each other and listening to music and he has made a huge effort to be with me all the time, even giving up playing video games to go in the pool with me and my son, which sounds crazy but trust me for him that was a very unselfish choice for him.